Because Chapter 10 had a positive review from the person I sent it to first *grins* I've decided to post it today. And start writing Chapter 11.
So, here it is folks - it's in CARTERS POINT OF VIEW.CHAPTER 10CARTERS P.O.V
Oh God. He was kissing me – he was actually kissing me, his lips against mine, his body pressed against my shaking one – no wait, we were both shaking. And damn right we both were – I was almost dying until he actually kissed me. I had needed it, needed his hands on my body, and needed his skin caressing mine.
He moved his hands to put them on my waist, but I grabbed them and pushed them above his head locked together. Now he knew what he wanted, I wanted dominance over him, for me to be controlling this . . . amazing thing. The kiss. See? I wasn’t scared to say it, and I’m glad he wasn’t now.
Blatantly.
We pulled apart for a moment, just staring in each others eyes – I felt like crying, I seriously did. I hardly knew this guy and already I wanted to be his, forever and a day, never to part and all that. He looked at me as if I was the only thing that mattered to him, as if no-one compared and ever could. God, I hoped that’s what he was thinking.
For a second, my thoughts flashed back to him kissing that girl . . . no. Shut-up, Carter. This is your moment with Jamie, get over it. She was probably forcing herself on him or something.
I couldn’t bear the parting much longer – I leaned in and captured his lips with mine again, savouring the taste. He was so amazingly sweet – I needed him like I needed air, and without him now, I knew that I couldn’t survive.
What he did to himself . . . well, I didn’t know what to think. Everyone needed their way of coping, and as much as I wanted to yell at him for doing it, I really couldn’t. The way I used to do it wasn’t much better.
I flinched as I remembered what I used to do, causing myself to pull away from Jamie. I regretted it immediately, missing the taste of him straight away. He looked at me, his beautiful eyes staring into mine, concerned in that adorable puppy-dog way he had earlier.
“Are you okay?” he asked me quietly, still looking shocked at what we were doing. He seemed to be battling against his feelings, both scared and amazed. I laughed at the look on his face and leaned my head against his shoulder.
“I’m just fine, J,” I mumbled into his shoulder, the sound muffled. I let go of his arms and could feel them hover hesitantly at my shoulders, waist and hips. Slowly, he placed his hands awkwardly on my hips. I raised my eyes and tilted my head to one side.
“Are you afraid of this, Jamie?”<br>
He opened his mouth, as if to protest, before taking his hands off of my hips and shifting around.
“Honestly?” he asked me timidly.
I nodded.
“Well . . . yeah, I am a bit scared. I mean, I haven’t even thought about what I’m doing yet, and when it hits me – well . . .”<br>
I saw him glance at his stomach and then back at me, trying to look innocent as if he hadn’t just glanced at the cutting area. I placed my hands firmly either side of his head and stared him out.
“You ever do that again, Jamie,” I said, my voice strong, “And I will never ever kiss you again.”<br>
I saw him smile, and I grinned too, but I really wish I hadn’t turned it into a joke. Because I meant it . . . I couldn’t let him do it again. Not one single cut more.
“Seriously Jamie,” I said, leaning forward and leaning my forehead against his. We were so close . . . “Please never do it again. For me.”<br>
It wasn’t really even a question – if he cared about me, he’d never do it again. I let go of his head, and he immediately looked up at the sky, the rain hitting his face sharply, not that he seemed to mind. For a while, it seemed like he wouldn’t stop looking at the sky, but suddenly his head shot down and looked at me.
“I . . . I can’t promise you, Carter,” he told me gently, reaching out and touching my face. “But I can promise you that I won’t do it because of . . . this. Because of the way I feel. I couldn’t.”<br>
Looking into his eyes, I reached the somewhat sad conclusion that this was the best I’d get out of him, at least tonight. I nodded, sighing and reaching up to take the hand that was caressing my cheek so softly. I entwined my fingers in his, before whispering,
“I’m scared too.”<br>
Jamie looked surprised; maybe he thought I did this a lot, got off with guys and then made deals with them to make sure they didn’t kill themselves. I smiled slightly when he asked,
“But . . . I thought you wanted this to happen, I didn’t want it to scare you.”<br>
I hastened to reassure him, kissing him gently on the lips to soothe the little-boy-lost look that had appeared in his eyes.
“I did want it to happen – and many more times,” I added cheekily, grinning. “But now I have you, I’m scared I’ll lose you. Look, there’s a saying I know.”<br>
Jamie nodded and looked curiously at me.
“When I met you I was afraid to talk to you, when I talked to you I was afraid to like you, when I liked you I was afraid to love you . . . and now I love you, I’m afraid I’ll lose you.”<br>
I bit my lip as I said the last part – I didn’t know if I loved him, did I? This was all new to me. Well . . . no, I lie. It wasn’t new to me at all. I’d gone out with guys before, that’s basically why I was an outcast wherever I went, because the rumour spread from school to school. At one school I was almost killed by bullies – but that didn’t matter, people just ignored me now.
Jamie picked up on the hesitation of the last part, and I saw him literally blush.
“Do you . . . love me?” he asked weakly, leaning against the tree for support.
I shook my head, grabbing his hands and pulling us out from the tree’s shelter. The rain flew even harder onto our skin.
“I don’t know what love is,” I shouted above the thunder that was beginning to crash above us. I shuddered; I hated thunder, it terrified the hell outta me. Not that I could show him that – I had to be the strong one . . . it made me feel really manly.
I snorted at my own ‘wanting-the-manliness’ and squeezed his hands. He looked at me and grinned, before shouting over the weather,
“Don’t pretend you didn’t just jump – I saw you. What are you, gay?”<br>
I laughed, punching him lightly on the shoulder.
“Nah... bi. Best of both worlds, right?” I teased, leaning in and kissing him. I felt him smile beneath it, before he pulled away suddenly and looked at his watch.
“s***,” he cried, jumping away from me. I felt cold. “I was meant to be home about an hour ago.”<br>
Jamie made to go, but I reached out and pulled him back, pulling him straight into him. He almost fell after the contact with my body, but I wrapped my arms around his waist, before leaning forward and murmuring against his neck,
“You’re not going anywhere just yet.”<br>
He opened his mouth to protest, but I placed my lips over his, and he stopped, almost froze completely. The kiss was gentle, but unimaginably intense. After a few moments of just standing completely still, apart from the hardly noticeable (except for us) movement of our lips, we pulled away, breathless. I was insanely light-headed as I let go of him, my heart beating hard and fast beneath my clothes.
“See you tomorrow,” I said with a tiny smile as he walked away reluctantly, his hands shoving themselves in his pockets. He looked back, and stopped, hesitating, before shaking his head and walking off. I laughed quietly, before turning in the opposite direction and walking towards the bus-stop. Who knew that a random walk-about in a totally unfamiliar neighbourhood would’ve led to that?
Jamie may be almost a complete stranger to me, but already I know his deepest secrets, I thought to myself, almost not believing it all.
I guess maybe that’s part of the attraction. It’s new. It’s exciting. It’s damn f***ing amazing.I smiled as I waited, forgetting everything apart from the feel of him against me.