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Post by ~<3~Morgan Voltaire~<3~ on Jul 29, 2004 0:21:22 GMT
Holy Cheezits
I mean wow....
Holy f***ing Cheezits.
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Post by K~Bear on Jul 29, 2004 9:28:12 GMT
w00t! I love this story!! must have more!!
please?
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 10:37:29 GMT
Muahaha. These next three chapters'll have to be broken up a bit, LOL, because they're long, so I'll give them to you in segments. I'll give you chapters 7 and 8 now, leave nine for a bit later CHAPTER 7Home life was pretty much the same that night. Mum asked me how my first day at my new school was and I told her the truth – that it was interesting. She smiled faintly, and hugged me for a moment. “I love you so much, Jamie,” she said softly, kissing me on my forehead. “Never forget that I love you.”<br> At that moment, Dad burst in from the door, and the look Mum gave me was to get upstairs quickly. I pelted up the stairs full speed and slammed my bedroom door shut. Big mistake. Dad thundered up the stairs after me, wrenched open my door, and almost knocked it off its hinges as he slammed it shut again. His eyes were blazing with drunken anger, his feet moving towards me unsteadily. “So Mr. Homo, how was your first day at your new school?” he asked me, mimicking a sickly sweet voice. “Meet any new friends? Hook up with any of them?”<br> I simply raised an eyebrow, staring at him as if he was speaking in a different language. I knew that was a mistake, but I had to do it. That b****** couldn’t treat me like s*** on the bottom of his shoe for the whole of my life. He pulled me up from my bed and dragged my face next to his like he had done a few days ago, and hissed at me, “Don’t look at me like that. If your mother didn’t love you so much I’d kill you. And with no regrets either.”<br> The alcohol on his breath was disgusting – it was all I could do to stop myself from gagging as I tried to slip out of his grip. He held me tight, not relenting. “Answer me for once, boy,” he yelled, shaking me hard. “You stand there like an asshole waiting for me to leave – well I’m not having it! TALK TO ME! Tell me how you feel when I stand here beating you to a pulp. Weak? Frightened, like the sissy you are?”<br> I shut my eyes – it was the only way to calm me down. After a few deep breaths, I replied quietly, “I feel like I’m lucky that I’ll never turn out like you.”<br> Dad laughed in my face, before pulling his fist back and plunging it into my eye. He watched as I reeled back, keeping the iron-like grip on my hair. “Apple never falls far from the tree, sonny,” he said maliciously, spit hitting my face. “Your mother only loves you because she has to. And make sure you know that too. If you weren’t here, your mother and I would be happy, I’d never get angry and you wouldn’t be here to wreck everything the arrogant little twat you are.”<br> I pushed him with my flat palms, suddenly wanting him as far away from me as humanely possible. “Get away from me,” I growled as he stumbled and let go of my hair. “Never touch me again.”<br> His eyes found mine, before letting out a roar as a lion would after finding prey. He ran towards me, and the last thing I remember was my head hitting the wall before the world went black. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I sat in my bed, my eyes staring blankly ahead of me as the ice-pack cooled my burning head. My vision was blurred slightly at the sides, but I knew I’d be fine. The last time Dad walloped me like that, I woke up two days later – two hours was all right. I’d lived last time. Not that I’d wanted to. I sighed as the phone next to me began to ring; I didn’t have the energy to talk to anyone. I picked it up half-heartedly, before saying tonelessly, “Hello, Jamie speaking.”<br> There was a pause, before a deep voice replied, “Is that guitar guy?”<br> The voice was vaguely familiar, and the way he said his last sentence seemed like he had a slight smile as he said it. It was Carter, it had to be. But how did he get my number?
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 10:38:01 GMT
CONTINUED...
“Carter dude, is that you?”<br> The guy on the other end laughed a bit.
“Yeah it’s me. I just called to check up on you – you seemed a bit weird in the Music room. Was it something I did?”<br> I grinned.
“Nah, course not – just some bad memories came to surface was all.”<br> Feeling the tender skin around my eye, I groaned slightly. That wasn’t the only thing coming to the surface – that was gonna be a hell of a bruise.
“Oh okay . . . I hope you don’t mind me calling, I just wanted to make sure everything was cool.”<br> I sat up a bit more, crossing my legs.
“No, really man, everything’s great. It’s nice to know I’ve got someone I can count on already!” I joked mildly. “I was s*** nervous coming to your school today, but you made it kinda all right.”<br> I blushed as I said this – lucky he couldn’t see me. I was really starting to piss myself off.
“Yeah – about nearly killing you this morning – sorry about that, but I had to get to maths. My teacher’s a real b****.”<br> I laughed, before I suddenly said, without my brain warning my mouth,
“That’s okay – I like being swept off my feet by tall, dark handsome strangers.”<br> I bit my lip and shut my eyes in total and utter idiocy – what the f*** was that? Flirting? With a guy? Jeez, get yourself under control Jamie.
He didn’t speak for a while, and I started feeling paranoid – s***. He must think I’m coming onto him.
“Carter, dude? You there?”<br> “Yeah man, sorry – got a bit distracted. Look, now I’ve called for what I wanted, I’d better go, got tons of homework.”<br> “Homework? Are you serious?”<br> “Yeah . . . porn studies.”<br> We both laughed, before I said to him quickly,
“Hey, about getting together and playing the guitar – did ya mean it? ‘Cos I could do with a playing partner.”<br> Again came the fire-engine cheeks.
“Yeah, sure, I could too. We can arrange it at school sometime?”<br> “Sure.”<br> “Okay man – I’ll see you around.”<br> I grinned as I hung up the phone. Cool.
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 10:43:17 GMT
YESSS. Chapter 8 ahoy. This is 8 pages long in Microsoft Word, this chapter, so... *ahem*. It'll be given in installments, one after the other. Enjoy! WARNINGS: m/m for the first time!! YAY!! Just mild, though. Lovely-jubbly.
CHAPTER 8 - PART ONE
I sat on my bed for a while after the phone call, my head hurting slightly. I knew that it was probably just confusion, and that I certainly did NOT fancy Carter, but it was annoying and kinda scary. I had flirted with him over the phone . . . there was no doubt about it.
I shook my head hard – I was not confused about my sexuality. I’d always dated girls, always. Never had thoughts about guys, and never wanted to. I was just . . . just overly grateful of him being there for me. I was new to a school, and he had befriended me straight away. That’s all.
That’s ALL.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
The next day Dad decided that I didn’t ‘deserve’ to go in to school, so made me stay at home. I felt anger flare up inside of me, but by flattening my palms against my sides I managed to calm myself. I asked him a calmly as I could why the f*** he was doing this, and he said in these exact words,
“Little mother-f***ers like you don’t deserve to go to school. After the way you spoke to me last night, I think you should stay at home to think about what you’ve done.”<br> I stared at him disbelievingly. He was treating me like a naughty little boy that had drawn all over the wall or something.
“Errm Dad, it’s really not clever to miss my second day of a new school,” I tried, forcing politeness to drip from my voice. He smiled horribly.
“Are you doubting my way of handling things, boy?”<br> I swallowed down my feeble retort, and shook my head. Dad nodded, obviously satisfied by my ‘response’. He walked towards me, staring at me for a moment. Suddenly, a strangely reminiscent grin appeared on his sand-paper like face.
“You’re like a younger replica of me,” he said quietly, his eyes never leaving my face, making me feel physically sick. “When you’re older, you’ll end up just like in. In a dead end job and a dead end marriage.”<br> Stepping backwards, I said strongly,
“If you’re so damn unhappy, Dad, why don’t you leave? Let’s face it, all you do is beat me and Mum up and make living here unbearable.”<br> I didn’t care if he hit me . . . I really didn’t. At that moment, all I wanted to do was make him realise what he was making us go through and for him to f*** off out of our lives.
A strange mist appeared over his eyes as he stepped towards me, leering.
“Are you telling me you’re not scared of me, Jamie?”<br> My left eyebrow shot up, my eyes beginning to blaze. Did he actually think I was afraid of him? Once upon a time, maybe I had been – but now I just hated him with such a fire that it didn’t matter what he did to me anymore.
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you, Dad,” I said, realising suddenly that he’d actually used my name. I didn’t realise he actually remembered my name. “I’m not scared of you. Yeah, I hate you more than I hate anyone, but I’m not afraid of you.”<br> Dad nodded slowly again, actually looking understanding . . . before suddenly plunging his fist into the side of my head. Stars flashed wildly in front of my eyes, and I didn’t remember sinking to my knees, but obviously I had done, as I looked up to see him lift his foot and slam it into my stomach. The thing that hit me first was the fact that the wounds on my stomach had re-opened, and I knew it’d soak my t-shirt through. I looked up, about to tell him to f*** off, when I saw he was already doing so, slamming my door shut behind him.
“I hate you,” I whispered, lifting up my t-shirt and wiping the blood from my stomach onto my hands before stumbling into the bathroom, my eyes focusing badly. I twisted the tap on, before shoving tissue underneath and wiping my stomach quickly. The blood reappeared quickly, causing me to stamp my foot in frustration. I wiped it away roughly, waiting for the bleeding to cease. When it slowed but didn’t stop, I reached into the crooked cupboard and took out the roll of bandage. I unrolled a reasonably long section, before cutting it with Dad’s razor blade, which I shoved quickly back in the cupboard, avoiding what I wanted more than anything at that moment.
I wrapped the bandage seven times around my stomach, wincing slightly. It’d have to do – there was no way I wasn’t going to school now. I had to get out of that hell-hole.
As I slipped back into my bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind me, I heard a resounding SLAP from below my room (the kitchen) and a cry. I tried to shut out the sobs that erupted from my mother, but I couldn’t. They tore through me like the blade of a knife, tearing at my insides like they would hack through a piece of meat. I got undressed quickly, before slipping on a pair of black jeans and a grey t-shirt, dragging a comb through my hair, which slowly retained its spiky-ness after a few seconds. I stared at myself in the mirror for a second; the side of my head was already bruised, and my eye was surrounded by a bruise darker than a thunder-cloud. I looked a f***ing mess, and my eyes were red from lack of sleep (worrying about the whole Carter thing) . . . what I bloody joke I was.
But I had to get to school.
Getting down the stairs was the easy part – Dad and Mum were still in the kitchen. I was amazed to hear that she was yelling back (or whimpering back, but the point was she was telling him what she thought) but I knew it was a huge mistake. I sighed, wanting to rush in there and defend Mum but something . . . something pulled me back. It was their problem now, not mine.
Opening the front room door, I winced as it squeaked loudly – the voices stopped, and I heard footsteps thundering in my direction.
“s***,” I muttered, before running full speed down the driveway and in the direction of the bus stop. I heard my Dad shouting stuff to me as I ran, but it was basically a life or death situation for me, and I’d much rather live.
I think.
Running was a hell of a lot of fun for me – the air was hitting my face viciously, slashing my skin without leaving marks. The freedom was blissful, and freedom was something I rarely felt without feeling as if it would be taken away from me at any given moment. As I arrived at the bus-stop, my legs told me to keep going, to really pump the miles – but I had to get to school, get to Carter as soon as I could. He’d make me feel better.
Paying for my fare, I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I knew that a soon as I got to school, everything would be okay again. Life would be okay for those six hours, I’d be a normal seventeen year old teenager. I loved those hours more than any other times in my life, and I’d savour them for as long as I had them.
The journey took way too long – by the time I arrived at school, I was almost going crazy with longing. It pulled up at the station, and I swung from the bar down the stairs, my feet beginning to run again as they hit the pavement. I never wanted to stop running; if I did, the feelings would come back and I’d never be free, from myself or the people around me.
The two miles to school drifted by lazily, as if I were floating in a pleasantly useless dream. As I wrenched open the doors to the school, the contentedness washed over me, causing me to saunter calmly into reception and my feet making the not-yet-familiar route to the locker room. Checking my watch, I saw that it was the period before lunch already. My Dad had very cleverly knocked all sense of time from my head when he delivered the most recent punch.
As I walked, the memories of last night, this morning, and every other day of my life came rushing back in a whirlwind of hazy thoughts. I bit my lip, willing my eyes to stay un-teary. I slipped through the heavy doors of the locker room, before making a beeline for my little locker in the corner. I leaned against the cool metal, relaxing against it. I waited a few moments, letting my skin cool off from my run, before pulling out my timetable. English . . . s***. One of the lessons I’d wanted to do well in – oh well, I’d catch up. I wondered briefly if Carter was in the same English set as me, and immediately found myself getting out the map of the school and following the directions to my English room.
I peered in, seeing a short teacher with mad red hair and dodgy earrings. She was telling them something, waving her arms wildly, causing a few people on the back row to snigger. My eyes scanned the room quickly, desperately searching for the familiar face. Suddenly, I found him; sitting in the second row, relaxing back in his chair. He was doodling on a piece of paper in front of him, half-grinning; I figured he was pretending to write notes about what this lady was going on about. I found myself suddenly wanting to be with him, laughing with him.
I stared at him for a few moments, begging in my mind that he’d look up and see me standing there – and, with a surprised jump from me, he looked up in the direction of the door, and saw me standing there. A slow smile spread across his face, small and amazingly cute.
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 10:46:18 GMT
CHAPTER 8 CONTINUED...
I motioned with my hand for him to join me, and I turned away from the door, leaning against the wall next to the door. Waiting, I freaked out that he wouldn’t come – what if he just left me here? Standing alone?
Just as I turned to face the door again, he opened it, suddenly right up against me. I blushed, before stepping back.
He just looked at me, the small grin disappearing rapidly from his face. I wondered what he was looking at, and began to feel slightly embarrassed, when suddenly he reached out and moved his hand as if he were tracing the bruise on my temple, before seeming to think twice and lowering it.
“What the hell happened to you?” he said quietly, his eyes scanning mine for answers. A lump appeared in my throat; he sounded like he cared. Really cared.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” I tried, the words sounding stupid even as I said them. He shook his head very slightly, before taking my arm and taking me gently yet firmly to a small room near the stairs. He opened the door, and pushed me in, before following me in. There was only a small amount of light, and I could just about see his eyes and the slight outline of his face in the darkness – I suddenly felt incredibly vulnerable.
“Okay – now tell me what happened,” he said bluntly, leaning against the wall (or at least I think he did.)
I shrugged half-heartedly again. Now for some more wonderful lies from the oh-so-talented-at-them Jamie Hayes.
“It was an accident – I left my trainers at the top of the stairs, and I didn’t look where I was going last night and I fell. Damn painful, but my own fault, right?”<br> I gave a half-hearted chuckle, and waited for a response. When I didn’t get one, I continued in my desperation to prove that everything was okay.
“I should’ve listened to my mum when she told me to put my shoes away – oh well, accidents happen.”<br> Carter spoke through the darkness, surprising me.
“If it was an accident, you would’ve told me straight away, not fed me ‘nothing’s and then come out with bulls*** about falling down the stairs.”<br> I felt slightly annoyed at his tone of voice, which had an edge to it that I hadn’t expected to hear. I folded my arms and stared at where I could see his face.
“Hey man, I’m telling the truth. Why would I lie about something as pathetic as falling down the stairs? It’s not like I really want to willingly admit it, do I?”<br> “I know damn well you didn’t fall down the stairs, you really can’t lie. And you don’t need to lie. I’m not stupid, Jamie – “<br> “Really? ‘Cos you’re doing a pretty good impression of it.”<br> There was silence for a few moments after this; Carter drew in a big breath and counted to ten slowly under his breath. Anger management? Luckily it worked.
“Jamie. I’m standing here in a small, dark, cramped room with some guy I’ve met once AND I’m willing to listen to the guy about whatever’s going on. I don’t care what it is, I just know that he needs to tell someone, and it should at least be someone he’s looked in the eye before.”<br> Silence.
“Can’t you just tell me the truth?”
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 10:46:55 GMT
CHAPTER 8... AGAIN... CONTINUED...
I had to let go: as he had been speaking, thoughts had been racing through my mind at a mile a second. He was right; we were strangers to each other, I barely knew the guy. So how come he could just walk in and start having a go at me and accuse me of lying?
“So you really think I’m lying to you? Well, what the f*** do you care anyway? You’re right, I don’t know you. I’ve only just met you, and already you expect me to tell you all the s*** that’s going on in my life? Who the hell do you think you are, hmm? You don’t know one thing about me Carter, because you’re a f***ing stranger to me. So just f*** off and leave me alone if you’re just gonna accuse me of lying, okay?”<br> Hands suddenly reached out and pushed me; I fell into the shelves behind me, paper flying everywhere. I cried, pissed off beyond belief now,
“What the bloody f*** was that for?”<br> Carter apparently moved right in front of me, as I could feel his body near mine; I tensed up, not sure how to handle this. He handled it for me by talking.
“Would you just stop feeling sorry for yourself for one minute and think about this? I’m offering you my ear to talk to, probably about something you’ve barely admitted to yourself, and you’re turning it down. Now I don’t know about you, but I haven’t got many friends, ‘cos people can’t be assed to talk to me. But you... well; you’ve shown to me that you’re actually better than that lot. You could’ve had anyone you damn well wanted and you went for me.”<br> I opened my mouth to say something, before realising that when he had pushed me my bandage had begun to unroll. I tried to tie it back discreetly as I replied,
“What do you mean?”<br> He sighed, as if not wanting to say what he was about to.
“You walked in here looking so confident, so care-free, so f***ing good looking, and people were falling over themselves at lunch to get to know you, I saw them. When I was new hear a few months back, I was ignored completely except by a few people, but they turned out to be little f***ers anyway. You came here, surrounded by people... and you came and stayed with me. Played the guitar with me. Call me crazy, man, but that meant something to me. You actually made the effort.”<br> He took a deep breath.
“So make the effort again. Tell me about what’s going on.”<br> I heard every word he said, but my mind was focused on the bandage. It was slipping down, and I knew that a few of the wounds had opened again. I was fumbling obviously now, just desperate to get it back to where it was before it soaked through my shirt.
Carter saw my hands moving in the dim light, and reached out. Before I could stop him, he took my hands and pulled them away from my stomach. He probably felt the bandage fall, as he leant down and picked it up. He raised his head and I could see that he was looking directly at me.
“What’s this?”<br> I felt so surrounded – he’d keep asking if I stayed there, and I couldn’t handle the questions, no way could I handle any more questions. I pushed past him, my hands just reaching out for the door when he grabbed me and dragged me back to where I had been standing before. I tried to get away again, my arms trying to get him away, but he pushed me again, and with a sudden shock of terror, I felt my shirt ride up. His hand skimmed past my stomach accidentally, but I knew as he froze that he’d felt the cuts.
“What the – “<br> “Let me out Carter!” I mumbled, standing completely still. I didn’t feel move closer, but I felt him lifting up my shirt again, before muttering, “s***” and pulling it up further. I knew there was minimal light, but it was easy to make out the deep gashes against my skin. I tried to pull it down, kicking him on his ankles, but he dodged me and stared even more. I could hardly bear it, my vision clouding over again.
“Just get the f*** OFF OF ME!” I shouted, pushing him violently, and I heard him fall. Just as I reached the door and wrenched it open, his arm was around my waist and pulling me back to where we had been standing before. My breathing was ragged-sounding, and I knew that he was the same; he loosened his grip on my waist, and shut his eyes.
“Please don’t tell me you did that to yourself.”<br> I stayed silent; I didn’t want to give him the answer, suddenly feeling physically sick with myself. I felt so dirty, disgusting... contaminated.
Psychotic.
“Jamie,” he whispered, his hand suddenly over mine and squeezing it. “Did you do those to yourself?”<br> I lowered my head, knowing that if I looked at him the tears filling my eyes would fall, leaving me nowhere but in the middle of my own unhappiness. I nodded, clenching my hands into fists. I felt his thumb start to stroke the top of my hand, causing me to look up at him.
“You did?” he asked very quietly, his voice cracking slightly. I opened my mouth, the shape forming “yes”. He let go of my hand abruptly, raising it to cover his face. My world seemed to spin in front of me as I walked further backwards – I had just met this great guy who was willing to help me with my life at home, when as soon as he found out my secret, my secret, he was sick with me. He didn’t even want to touch me.
Suddenly I needed to leave. The tears were rolling down my cheeks and my fists were tightly curled as if to strike and any solid object in my way. I moved, for the third time, towards the door, when suddenly Carter’s arm flew out, throwing me back against the shelves. He walked towards me, his eyes on mine. Suddenly, he seemed too close; his body was up against mine, warm and solid. I drew in a sharp breath, feeling nervousness flood through my body. As my eyes looked down to his chin, before travelling up to become level with his own eyes, they lingered on his lips.
God I wanted to kiss those lips.
He lifted his hands, gently wiping away the stray tears that were clinging to my lashes and cheek – I shuddered at the intensity of the tiny touch, and wondered what the hell I was doing. Part of me was sickened, telling me to get away from him – but part of me wanted his hands on me, holding me.
They rested either side of my cheeks, his thumbs stroking my skin so that it tingled beneath his touch. I saw his face leaning towards mine; my legs were screaming to run, but my heart was telling me to stay put. I went to move, but just pressed myself closer to him...
His lips met mine, softly, shyly, intensely. My head was reeling, my heart thumping wildly, and my eyes had to close. I felt him put more pressure on, the kiss beautifully innocent and so, so sweet. It lasted only a few moments, and when it ended, I was left in a state of light-headedness that was nothing like the euphoria of a blade cutting through my skin... it was better.
As we pulled away properly, I pulled my face from his grasp and side-stepped away from him. Carter opened his mouth as if to say something, his eyes wide with shock at what had just happened. As he began to speak, I slid past him, finally opening the door. Light flooded the room, cold reality hitting my face sharply – it was so unwelcoming, but I had to return to it. I had to.
“I-I-I... whatever,” I stuttered, backing out of the room and beginning to run as soon as I had stepped one foot out of it. I ran as fast as I could to the toilets, before kneeling over and throwing up violently. As my stomach rejected me, all of what had happened was flung through my mind. The confrontation, the discovery, the... kiss.
The look of unmistakeable hurt in his eyes as I’d ran from the room.
I threw up even more violently.
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Post by ~<3~Morgan Voltaire~<3~ on Jul 29, 2004 13:33:49 GMT
wow. I mean WOW! Its so compelling its like you feel his pain. goddess youre such a good writer.
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 18:53:00 GMT
*smiles* Thank-you! It means a lot to me to have the praise I'm getting from you guys. I'll post Chapter Nine maybe soon... Ah, why not.
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 18:54:46 GMT
CHAPTER 9 - PART ONE
I couldn't go home that night - I had too many thoughts. I knew that if I even tried to have a quiet night in, Dad would suspect something and come and knock the s*** out of me again. Oh what joys I had in my life at the time.
I didn't know where I was wandering - my feet were leading me to wherever they wanted to go, and I was content to let them. The further they made me walk, the longer I'd have to think.
I sighed to myself as my dark eyes drifted to look at the darkening sky - there were streaks of lighter blue in it, making it look mystical and beautifully sculptured. I wished I was up there, all alone amongst the stars that were beginning to appear all over it, randomly appearing every now and again.
An image of Carter's hurt face flickered in my mind, causing a lump to appear in the back of my throat.
Him and I . . . we had actually kissed. Our lips had met, soft, beautifully gentle, with just a hint of desire -
No. NO. I couldn't think about it like that. It was wrong, disgustingly wrong and something I would never do again in my life as long as I could help it. I mean, God - he was a guy! And he certainly hadn't seemed gay in any sense - although surely the way he had touched me as he'd tried to calm me down was a sign . . .
"Stop it," I hissed at myself, kicking a penny that glittered in the faint sunlight as it lay solitary and alone on the ground.
Kinda like me after my Dad was finished with me.
After hours of walking, I found myself at a park that looked vaguely familiar - my eyes searched around me, trying to find something else that I recognised. A large red-brick building stood somewhat far away from the little park, and I knew of it instantly - my old school. I had travelled all the way back to my school, taking God-knows what route. My head must've been pretty f***ed up.
I walked aimlessly over to one of the swings, recognising it as the swing I always used to sit on with Clare -
Oh god. Clare. I stared at my watch, realising what a huge mistake coming here was - she always came along here with her friends at around this time, and I hadn't seen her in quite a while. This was a problem because: a) She'd want to know why the hell I hadn't been to see her. And b) She'd want to 'make up for lost time' in the bedroom.
Oh crap. As I sat on it gingerly, feeling too reminiscent as I swung back and forth, I heard the all-too-familiar sounds of a large group of people, and suddenly wished I had turned back around and gone home. The loudest voice in the group was evidently Clare's, ringing out across the night sky and disturbing the peace. As she came into view, I almost shuddered. She was wearing tight black jeans, a turquoise vest top and large gold earrings. She looked awful - I vaguely remembered that I'd had sex with this girl, and felt my stomach heave as it had after everything that had happened in the stock cupboard earlier that day.
Clare's eyes drifted towards the swings, and she looked away for a millisecond - before staring right at me. Suddenly her skinny legs were carrying her as fast as they could towards me, her face heard to read. As she reached me, she suddenly leapt (believe me, if I hadn't been horrified, I would've laughed - she looked so stupid... I can't believe I used to find that leap-y thing cute) and landed on my lap, her legs securing herself around my waist. Before I could protest, she forced her lips on mine, her tongue prying my lips open. Her tongue battled against mine, not realising that the reason mine was moving so rapidly was because I was trying to force hers OUT - just as I was about to physically push her off, she pulled away and said huskily,
"Hey gorgeous . . . nice surprise."
After a few more tongue battles (each time I lost) she pulled me up from my swing and whispered in my ear, before I realised her friends were all gone,
"Let's go back to mine, shall we?"
I looked into her pale blue eyes, and wondered why I felt so repulsed at the thought. When she saw me hesitate, she leaned forward and nibbled my lip slightly, before kissing me forcefully. Whilst she did this, I tried to respond by placing my hand just on the small of her back and returning her kiss as passionately as she was kissing me - it was hard. I forced my eyes to stay open, and as they whizzed around, trying to concentrate on anything but the kiss, they found a figure standing metres behind us, staring at our sickening (or at least for me) embrace. I made my eyes focus on them, and with a sudden plunge in the region of my stomach, I knew who it was: Carter.
Even from the distance, I could tell he was feeling hurt, and just seeing him standing alone behind Clare made me want to run to him.
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 18:55:28 GMT
I pulled myself away from Clare, before whispering quietly to her,
"I can't babe, I've got to go. We'll meet up another time, okay?"
I forced a smile at her, before trying to walk around her. She grabbed my hand and pulled me back, placing one last 'kiss' on my sore lips.
"Next time, sexy," she whispered against my skin, before walking away, glancing over her shoulder to check that I was watching her. I smiled again painfully, before whirling around in time to see Carter start walking quickly away as if he'd rather be nowhere else but away from me. I felt my leg muscles twitch, and I knew I had to go after him. I wasn't stupid, I knew something was up.
I reached him quickly, and my hand reached out and stopped him. He wrenched his arm out of my grip, before turning to me, trying to look as calm as he possibly could manage, but his eyes told the truth; they were blazing.
"Hey Jamie," he said quietly, staring into my eyes so hard that I felt naked and vulnerable. I smiled at him, before trying,
"What's up man?"
Carter shrugged, looking at the retreating figure of Clare. I followed his gaze, before looking back at him. There was something other than anger in his eyes as he glared after her; was it jealousy? Could he possibly be jealous?
"Hey dude, are you sure you're okay?"
He turned and looked at me again, before replying in almost a growl,
"I never said I was okay did I? But for your information, I'm fine. Just fantastic actually."
I shouldn't have been, but I was slightly surprised at the hostile tone of voice that was using. I opened my mouth to question him, but he carried on, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"I mean, yeah, I know we kissed Jamie, and I know it was weird, but you could've at least stayed and talked to me about it. You think I planned it? I didn't mean to kiss you; I mean yeah, I wanted to but I hardly know you, and already you're the most amazing person I've ever met. And when I saw what you'd done to yourself . . . I just had to do something. And that was the first thing that came into my head. And I'm telling you now, Jamie - I don't regret it."
I was shocked at this - I hadn't expected a reaction like that. And I certainly didn't expect him to say that he didn't regret the kiss. I thought he probably had done more than me.
"But Carter . . . wait a second. You saw what I do to myself, so you kissed me? You should've punched me or something, it's so f***ed up - and don't say it's not. You know it is."
He was shaking his head violently, his eyes never leaving mine.
"You get enough of that at home," he muttered, looking slightly guilty as he said this.
My stomach churned.
"What the hell gives you the right to say that?" I laughed sarcastically, glaring at him. "Who said that I get beaten up at home? I have never ever EVER said anything like that, and for you to just assume that my Dad beats me and my mother up is just absurd - "
Carter's head snapped up from where he'd been looking at the ground.
"I didn't say he was beating your mother up," he said quietly, as a flush brightened my cheeks as I realised he was right. "I didn't even say it was your Dad that was doing it. I think you just blew your own lie up there, Jamie."
s***. He was right. Again.
"Okay, okay," I said, trying to keep calm. "Yeah, sometimes my Dad gets angry and lashes out - but its okay, it's rare. He hardly ever touches me."
Carter raised an eyebrow, his mood obviously a bit gentler than it had been at the start.
"Okay then," he said nonchalantly, nodding as if he agreed with me. "Let's say that that's true. Now tell me why the f*** you do THAT - "he pointed to my stomach - "to yourself."
I blinked as his eyes began to blaze again, and turned away from him. I couldn't talk about it now - my muscles were telling me to keep quiet, as they kept twitching beneath my marred skin. I took a few steps forward, before I felt a hand grasp my top from behind. It stopped me in my tracks, and soon Carter was standing directly in front of me.
"No look dude, you're gonna talk to me about this," he said, reaching forward and yanking up my shirt. I bit my lip, before shoving down my shirt again.
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 18:56:25 GMT
"OKAY. I do it because it's the only way to stop the s***. Each day the fire of hell builds up in my soul and crimson rain is the only way to stop the pain. Angry words, fierce blows, nothing compares to the immortal insanity I go through day by day, and the crimson rain that takes it all away."
The familiar words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. I saw Carter's eyes cloud over, and saw him step hesitantly closer. Instinctively, I stepped backwards.
"That was sick," he began, causing me to flinch away from his words, "- but beautiful. And so you."
I stared into his eyes, hardly daring to listen.
"But . . . doesn't it bother you?" I asked timidly, my heart fluttering inside my chest.
He nodded fervently, but reached forward and grabbed my hands. I tried to pull them away, but he hung onto them tightly.
"Too much," he replied forcefully, lacing his fingers through mine. "It bothers me so much that it's tearing me apart inside right this very moment. But I care too much about you to do nothing about it. I can't just . . ."
He stopped, letting go of my hands and turning away from me. My heart was thundering away beneath my chest, wanting to say something. Here he was, this good looking, unique guy that I'd only just met telling me he wanted to help me, that he truly cared about me. Hadn't I just met him like, two days ago? But here I was, feeling so damn confused.
"Look," Carter said suddenly, turning around to face me. "I know we've only just met and everything -" I raised an eyebrow, wondering if I was that transparent - "But I've made a connection with you in two days that's stronger than anything I've made in two years. And I'm not kidding when I say that. You gotta believe me when I say I want to help you, or at least be the shoulder you . . . you cry on."
I stared at him, his words entering my head at an incredibly slow pace. I was looking at him, as if for the first time; the way his dark hair fell across his eyes, making them look even wider and more innocent . . . the way he looked almost ready to cry when he looked at me that way -
God. It was killing me, just standing there and listening to him . . . all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and hold him forever.
But no way in hell was I going to admit that to him or myself. So I had to do something.
"Okay, look dude," I said in a firm, cold voice that didn't belong to my feelings at all, "That . . . that thing we did? It meant bull-s*** to me. Nothing. Nada. To me, it's something I'm going to erase from my memory and never remember again. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it now! If it was up to me, I never would've done that, never would've let you talk to me."
The more I tried to stop myself from saying the lies that were spilling out of my mouth, the more they came. My voice was raised.
"I never planned to meet you - in fact, if I had a choice in it, I never would've met you. Then you wouldn't have interrogated me today and got the secret that I'd intended to take to my hopefully early grave out of me. We only did that . . . thing . . . because I was upset. You took advantage of me, man. You're sick."
He was biting his lip majorly hard, and that scared me; what the f*** was I saying? How could I say this? But it was happening, and I couldn't stop it now.
I expected him to hit me, do something, maybe even try and break something of mine - what I didn't expect was for him to shrug and begin to walk away. This hurt me more than anything, and without thinking I reached out and grabbed him. Carter tried to pull his arm out of my grasp, but I couldn't let that happen. I had to get him to look at me.
He whirled around, yanking his arm out of my hand and staring at me. My heart broke as I looked into his eyes; tears were falling from them, streaking his beautiful face with the sadness that I'd caused. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out - I couldn't do this. I couldn't watch him cry. Again I opened my mouth, but the cold voice spoke again:
"It meant nothing."
The next few moments were a whirlwind of limbs - I think Carter tried to hit me, but I blocked him and pushed him hard. He almost fell over, but my instincts told me to grab him, so I did and made sure he didn't fall - that was before his hands reached out and slammed me against the trunk of a tree. As we stood there, it suddenly occurred to me that it was raining. The rain was dripping down his face, drops glittering in his long lashes. I was preparing myself to hit him again, when he said angrily, bitterly,
"It meant nothing? It? Is that what we're going to call what happened? Why don't you say what we did, Jamie? Are you so ashamed of IT that you can't say it out loud? Or is the real reason because you're trying to deny something to yourself and you're too scared to admit it?"
I wouldn't let myself reply - I couldn't. My vocal chords had stopped working, and I could've sworn his head was getting closer to mine. I almost couldn't breathe with the tension.
"Come on, Jamie!" He whispered, his eyes still burning with anger and a different sort of hatred. "Say it. Say exactly what we did."
I bit my lip.
"SAY IT FOR f*** SAKES - "
"WE KISSED! We f***ing kissed and it was one of the most amazing moments of my life. Happy now?"
Oh s***. I couldn't believe I'd said that - he was staring at me with those angry eyes - but the anger was dying and turning into something completely different. I couldn't make out what it was - all I could see was him. The water trickling down his gorgeous face and onto those lips . . . the lips that had sent me spiralling into a world I'd never known existed hours back - God, he was driving me mad.
The rain was really pouring now; it was making my clothes stick to me uncomfortably, and I was so tempted just to rip them off - of course, if I did that, it could be some kind of wrong implication to him . . . although at that time, the same thing was happening to him, and I just didn't know what to do with my hands. I clenched him as fists at my side, just watching his face - before his eyes found mine.
For the first time I noticed their colour properly - a stormy grey, kind of like the sky at this point in time. They were staring into mine with that look again, the one that made me want to cry, slit my wrists and kiss him all at the same time. They were searching mine with an intensity that scared me, but made my hands shake with anticipation. At that point in time, I knew exactly what I wanted, standing in the pouring rain with a guy that I'd only just met.
I leant forward, my face so close to his that I could see all the different tones of his skin, see the slight dimples that appeared when he smiled. I found myself smiling too - a different smile from my usual one, a secret smile that only he and I shared.
Now my lips were so close to touching his, it was driving me insane, and I could tell by the way he moved closer that it was killing him as much as it was destroying me. Finding his eyes for the final time, I saw him looking directly into mine, sending a shock through my body. I jumped slightly, causing our lips to touch instantly.
I froze; we didn't dare move, for the feeling flowing through us could only be described as total and utter desire. Slowly, however, he pressed his lips more firmly against mine, and not to any complaints from me. I softened the pressure, before suddenly kissing him hard, with all the passion I could gather within my torn body - I felt his vocal chords vibrate, and I grinned to myself, as I touched his lips with my tongue, begging for entry. This wasn't like it had been with Clare - this meant something.
Everything.
He opened his mouth to my relief, and soon we were kissing with all the desire in our hearts, as if each moment counted for a million. My fists were still clenched at my sides, and I was about to place them on his hips, when he reached down with his hands, which had been stroking my rain soaked face, and grabbed my wrists, locking them together above my head, against the tree. At that moment, just for a second, we pulled away, only so little that our lips were still just touching. Our eyes focused together as our bodies pressed even closer, not even trying to hide how much we wanted each other. The rain was still hammering down, a thunderous melody to my ringing ears. The warmth of our bodies was irresistibly drawing us closer, and I couldn't bear it a moment longer.
We kissed once more, the rain a bass-line to our beautiful music. Music that I never wanted to end.
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Post by ~<3~Morgan Voltaire~<3~ on Jul 29, 2004 18:59:52 GMT
post more.....
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Jade Starr
New Member
Faerie (Gryffindor)
Posts: 239
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Post by Jade Starr on Jul 29, 2004 19:21:52 GMT
-blinks- Wow. Just...wow. It's so fantastic.
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Post by Kasatzia on Jul 29, 2004 19:27:27 GMT
*laughs slightly*
Sometimes I think people just skim past it, read a couple of bits and then post that they think it was great just to egg us along!! *smiles*
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