Inevitable Pain.

[†Faith Winters†]

Delicate red petals slowly drifted towards the ground, being torn from the place they had grown so comfortable with; ripped away without a chance to return, to fight back, to do anything but drift in the light breeze until the inevitable collision with the ground. It seemed now a lot of things were inevitable. Hurt. Destruction. Anger. Sadness. Remorse… Death. So much more was inevitable. Everything always ended up the same. No matter what.

The red petals littered the ground. Blown everywhere by the breeze, torn away from their home by a single hand. Dozens and dozens of rose’s petals were there, laying carelessly for anyone to walk on.

Crystalline eyes that were filled with so many emotions lay carefully upon the pile of de-petal-ed roses, never once faltering as the owner continued to tear a rose apart. Unhealthily slender hands worked like expert at the tedious job, unable to stop themselves.

Although so many roses had been torn apart, there were still piles left, just sitting there, waiting for their destruction. It wouldn’t come. At least not by the hands of the lone figure in the darkness.

The moon was behind a shield of clouds, with no hope of peering through anytime soon, leaving the outdoors dark and depressing. Making it the perfect night for inevitable pain. Pain so harsh, that even the lycaness, that thought she herself had grown ruthless, had trouble facing it.

The slight blonde sat upon the short brick wall that had surrounded the Graveyard, unable to push herself forward, and severally unable to pull herself back. So she sat. Shredding roses. Destroying their beauty. Much like her own had been destroyed; at the hands of someone careless.

Faith had never appeared so horrid. Just like a shadow of who she used to be. Her face was lined with pain on a daily bases, never removing itself. She had grown unhealthily skinny; appearing now much like a pile of bones, her usual toned exterior now resembled a corpse. She wore a long-sleeved black shirt, and baggy black pants, trying to hid her drastic body change. It didn’t help.

Taking on last calming breath, Faith reached for the still petal-ed roses, and slid forward, landing not so gracefully on shaky feet. Already she had visited her sisters grave, finding that not hard anymore; she had already faced her sisters death long ago. Bow she had to do something that she was finding much more difficult.

Her stride was slow, but she was moving nonetheless. Brushing some of her blonde hair from her face, Faith trudged on, her head lowered in shame as she got closer and closer to her destination. Azure eyes burned painfully as she took notice to how close she was.

And then she was there.

Tears cascaded down her face without a moments hesitation; the mere sit of the grave causing feelings inside her she couldn’t fight, couldn’t push away. She had done this. Collapsing next to the grave, Faith let out a stifled sob, her small frame quivering under the force of the sob. She should be the one in that grave. Not Amelia. She had been the one that had done it. It was an accident, she had repeated to herself, nearly driving herself mad with the constant reiterate. But, saying it was an accident, knowing it wasn’t meant to happen, didn’t lift the guilt, didn’t ease away the thoughts of Amelia’s poor children without their loving mother.

The roses she once carried were scattered across the grave, having dropped them when she had crumbled to her knees, sobbing. Amelia had seemed to always be there when Faith had needed her, now Faith planned on spending as much time as humanly possible out here with Amelia.

Laying down beside the grave, Faith stared at the gravestone, embedding the image within her mind. Her friend lay here; someone she had grown to love a crucial amount. Tears silently remained to stream down her face as she lay there, not caring how uncomfortable the ground was against her back, not caring about anything but being there with her friend.

Ooc: ... -Looks shifty- ... I think I got carried away....

[-a r e l l a-]

Arella had been practicing her new skill of mind reading: at first her mind had constantly been flooded by every thought of everything that could think-it had given Arella many serious migraines and she'd spent a few days hiding away in her dorm room.

So Arella had decided that the only way to improve the situation was to improve her ability to control it. Arella had sat on the end of her bed attempting to separate thought from thought: trying to give each a meaning and guess to whom it belonged.

After what seemed like days, and was only actually hours, Arella heard a powerful thought full of emotion, pain, loss and mourning. She concentrated hard on it: what was it trying to say? Who did it belong to?

Faith "FAITH?!" she called out-getting the brain-wave from some unknown place "She's sad?" she asked thin air.

Jumping from her bed, and wrapping her night/outdoor cloak around her shoulders, to cover her slender build which was only covered by her simple white night shirt, Arella ran from the Hufflepuff girl's dorm and followed the thoughts.

She didn't exactly know what she was going to do when she found Faith: after-all they hadn't exactly hit it off on their first meeting. But Arella knew that she had to be there for the blond female.

Finding herself outside the graveyard, late at night on such a creepy cloudy night Arella wanted to turn back and head for the safety of the school. But she pushed herself forward.

Walking through the graveyard, Arella's senses seemed to be heightened, probably her lycan self growing within her, and so every noise was picked up by Arella's keen ears, and every movement by her eyes. She didn't miss a thing...including Faith's form lying on a fairly new grave.

Arella stopped a few feet away, not sure whether she should disturb the crying woman.

[†Faith Winters†]

Crystal-droplets dropped from her chin onto the ground, moistening the earth below her. Faith’s tears had slowed, but the feelings within her hadn’t. Her dirty-blonde hair hung down around her face, touching the ground, as she was lying on her stomach.

Lost in her muse, Faith stared at the ground blankly; tears still slowly fell from her cobalt eyes. A low roar in the distance was warning enough for what was coming next. Her tears began to mingle with the rain as the haven’s opened up and began to pour down.

Hearing a sound faintly near her, Faith slowly lifted up her sopping head, her hair sliding against her pale skin and sticking to it fiercely.

Dreary eyes had trouble focusing on the figure before her, all the crying causing them to de-focus.

Realizing who it was after a moment, Faith hung her head slightly, embarrassed to be caught this way by someone she barely knew. Pulling herself into a sitting position, Faith regained some composure, then looked from Arella, to Amelia’s grave, and back again, “She was an amazing woman.” She stated, “One of my very best friends… This is the first time I’ve visited her grave since she… well… you know…”

[-a r e l l a-]

A rumble was the only warning to the sudden downpour of rain. Arella shivered as the cool rain drenched her, and she was thankful that she'd put on her cloak before coming out tonight.

Turning her attention back to Faith, she realized just how sad Faith looked. So skinny and pale...she looked ill. As the rain continued to pour down, Arella wondered whether the rain was reflecting Faith's mood: it certainly seemed that way.

When Faith spoke, it was about another woman, and Arella guessed it to be the owner of the grave that Faith was sat on. Arella felt a lump form in her throat: she wasn't very good at this sort of situation.

Stepping forward, Arella undid her cloak and whipped it off her shoulders, before wrapping it around Faith's crouched and fragile form. Kneeling down she put her arms gently around Faith (so not to break her into two pieces!) and hugged slightly, rocking their bodies back and forth in an effort to soothe Faith.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, placing a single kiss on Faith's damp head.

Arella did not know why she was doing what she was doing, but figured it was instinct and nurture kicking in.

[†Faith Winters†]

Faith stared straight ahead, almost as if she was looking right through Arella. She blinked a few times, before pushing some of her wet hair off her face, although it just slid back to where it was before.

Feeling something slid around her shoulders, Faith frowned slightly, before turning her gaze towards Arella, actually looking at her now, not past her. Taking notice that the other woman was only in a night shirt, Faith was about to say something, when she was suddenly engulfed into arms.

Tensing for a moment, Faith finally let herself relax into the embrace, a few sobs coming forth. After a few moments, she shook her head, coming out of her trance, and stopping most of her tears.

With a grateful smile on her face, Faith took the robe off of her shoulders, and wrapped it back around Arella. Sniffling, Faith wiped her eyes on her sleeve, which didn’t really help, seeing as how she was soaked.

“It’s my fault,” She said in a monotone voice, looking back towards the gravestone, a crushed expression on her face, “I was the one who pushed the blade in…”

[-a r e l l a-]

Arella rested her head against Faith's, closing her eyes and feeling the urge to join Faith in shedding tears. However, she opened them and watched Faith as she removed the cloak and put it back on Arella.

Sighing gently, Arella listened as Faith explained that it was her fault...and something about pushing a blade in. From the way that Faith was acting now, Arella knew that it was a mistake and that Faith was very upset about it.

Pulling the cloak open a bit, Arella settled down beside Faith and pulled her back into an embrace, the cloak falling around the two of them and protecting them a little from the still pouring rain.

"I'm sure it wasn't like that?" she asked after a few minutes of silence that was only broken by the sound of rain beating on the ground.

Arella hated to see people upset, and now she could feel Faith's emotions it was even worse. Arella just wanted to make it all go away...make Faith happy again..

[†Faith Winters†]

Hanging her head in shame, Faith let out a mixture between a sob and a sigh. As Arella wrapped Faith in another embrace, pulling her under the cloak as well, she felt as if she didn’t deserve the warmth it brought, the protection from the rain it gave.

That’s one of the main reasons she looked the way she did; she didn’t believe she deserved anything anymore, so she didn’t eat often, or take proper care of her body, only drank water when she absolutely had to, stopped talking to the people she cared so much about, stopped sleeping inside; the list really just went on like that. And of course, she figured, that’s why she had lost her fiancé, because she no longer deserved to have her.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Faith frowned slightly, “She was going to do it herself… But… I would never let her… And w-when I tried to take the b-blade from h-her, we went c-crashing to the ground, and…and…and… it went into her…” She stuttered out, shivering at the thought.

[-a r e l l a-]

Arella was pleased that she had spent so much time practicing her telepathy-she could occasionally pick up thoughts of Faith's, enabling her to learn a little more about Faith and her situation.

Hugging Faith tighter, Arella was pleased that it was raining as it hid the tears now flowing down her cheeks: Faith's story was one of woe, and Arella wouldn't have wished it upon even her worst enemy.

"You know, Faith, that wasn't really your fault...heck it wasn't your fault at all. You were trying to help...it was an accident. Anyone can see that you like this girl...you wouldn't hurt her on purpose. Now I think you should stop punishing yourself...you do not look well and I think you deserve much better than this..."

she whispered, so it was only just audible over the sound of the rain. She continued to hug Faith, hoping to give her some kind of strength...

[†Faith Winters†]

Shaking her head, Faith untangled herself from Arella. Standing up, she wrapped her arms around herself tightly, her shoulders hunching over as she did so, “It doesn’t matter that I didn’t mean to do it, I still did it… The fact that it was an accident doesn’t bring her children’s mother back, does it? I shouldn’t even be alive” She said, hanging her head once again.

Letting out a shaky breath, Faith peered at Arella through her thick, wet hair as it hung around her face, “I killed myself,” She said quietly, her eyes lowering to the ground. “I took the blade out of her, and I put into myself,” She lifted her shirt slightly, to show Arella the wound that still hadn’t completely healed.

“My cousin brought me back, though… I now wish she hadn’t… I thought everything was going to be OK, y’know… Serena, she was my fiancé, and I were still going to get married and everything… Then… Everything just…. Fell apart… And… It’s because of what I did, I know it…”

[-a r e l l a-]

And she pulled away...again.

Arella remained seated: she figured that Faith did not want her comfort. So Arella felt hopeless, sitting and watching Faith in pain, the only thing it appeared Faith wanted her to do was listen...and so she did.

When Faith paused, after pouring out her heart's pain again, Arella moved to get up, but quickly decided against it, and remained on the soaking ground.

Looking sideways she read the gravestone: "Here Lies Amelia Halliwell -R.I.P" it seemed so fake...as if the person who had it inscribed did not care or know Amelia. Arella shrugged it off-maybe it wasn't finished?

"Faith...you musn't think like that." wait...Faith was engaged to a girl?-back to the importance of the sitauation... "Things happen for a reason...and if Amelia was killing herself then maybe she wanted to go? You shouldn't punish yourself like this...please..."

[†Faith Winters†]

Looking up at the sky now, Faith closed her eyes and let the rain wash over her face, washing the salt from her tears away fully. Standing there for a few moments more, Faith turned slowly and held a hand down to Arella, to help her stand up.

Shaking her head, causing water to fly everywhere, Faith frowned slightly, “Well… That’s just how I think… It makes so much sense to think like that… And, yes, I was engaged to a woman,”

Raising her crystalline gaze towards the sky once more, Faith stared at it once more, thinking, “I know things happen for a reason… That’s why I should also be dead… And, yes, OK, she may have wanted to go… But… There were people who could have helped her… There are people who loved her… She had kids… And, she didn’t deserve to die the way she did… So… Can you blame me for punishing myself?”

[-a r e l l a-]

Faith's words didn't seem to make any difference now: Arella was too absorbed in watching every little movement that Faith made to notice tiny things such as words.

Arella wanted so very much to make everything ok...she wanted to see Faith be happy...

Taking Faith's hand, Arella pulled herself up into a standing position close to Faith, but did not let go of her hand, instead held it, and squeezed it tenderly.

"If you believe things happen for a reason then you should believe that you are here now for a reason. You should believe that the Amelia girl died for a reason-who knows why? Maybe it was to make her children stronger and more independent? Maybe it was to save something worse from happening in the future?... But I believe that you are here for a reason. Already you've helped me to accept my fate as a lycan..you're helping me more than you know. I need you. You're a good person. Believe in yourself."

Arella's gaze was fixed upon Faith's, pleading with her to accept that she was a good person.

[†Faith Winters†]

Declining her head, Faith looked down at their hands, listening as Arella spoke, taking in what she said. Nodding her head slowly, Faith shivered slightly, “Maybe you’re right… Maybe… But, I’m starting to lose my faith in the whole ‘things happen for a reason’ bit… Y’know…”

Smiling slightly, Faith tilted her head to the side, “Well... I’m glad I’ve helped you… Helping people is something I need to do more of…” Untangling her hand from Arella’s, she shoved both her hands in her pockets, a squishing sound followed as water sputtered from them

Letting out a slightly bitter laugh without meaning to, Faith glared at nothing while thinking, “If I’m such a good person, why am I no longer engaged?” She stated, more then asked.

[-a r e l l a-]

"Don't stop believing. If you'd have been dead..then I wouldn't be where I am now...I mean I think I would never have accepted who I am becoming...You make me have these weird feelings-" she broke off.

Arella smiled slightly at the sound of the squelch that the water in Faith's pocket gave off.

When Faith asked the question, Arella's smile melted away, and formed a frown.

"Faith, I don't mean this in any disrespect to you or your ex-fiance, but...I think maybe she doesn't deserve you. If she gave you up she is a fool: so many people would give anything to have your love...myself inc- ...a lot of people must love you."

Arella reached forward and pulled Faith's hands out of her pockets and held them again. She kept her gaze steady on Faith: her eyes trying to show that she was speaking in total honesty.

[†Faith Winters†]

Smiling faintly, Faith rose her eyebrows slightly, “You may have not excepted it so fast, but, you would have…”

Scowling, Faith shook her head fiercely, taking her hands out of Arella’s, and taking a step back, “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve her… You’ve never met her, you wouldn’t know… And, it doesn’t matter if a lot of people want my love… She broke my heart, Arella… That’s not something someone can just… Get over…”

Wrapping her arms around herself once more, Faith glared at the ground, thoughts going rapid through her mind.