Tears and Birds (Invite Only)

[Samantha]

(Invite only.)



The long stairs looked as though no one had used them in a while. However it seems not to many people went into the owlery these days, no one to write to, or not an interest to write to the people they have. She wished she had someone to write to. She wished a lot of things these days though. Her long white hair was marvelously down her back and it almost gave off a glow in the darkness of the stairs. The smell out owl crap filled her nose as she stepped up the last step into the large bird filled room. She had came up there with peace in mind, with the hopes that she wouldn’t see anyone. Or maybe with the hopes that she would. She didn’t even know what she wanted anymore. All she knew was that life was crazy since her return back at the school and large parts of her life were missing.

Dark tight blue jeans, fit to her like a glove, showed off her thin legs. A white tee shirt also showed off her thin body. She was pretty, however not perfect, she was to thin, these days anyway. She used to be so different, there was a light in her eyes that was gone for the most part. Only sometimes would you see the old glint in her eyes. Deep emerald green they were, and they used to be so much happier. Today they were filled with tears. She looked at her arms, lined with thin scars created in the last few months, was this what her life was coming down to? Hurting herself, watching her life fall away before her own eyes. Samantha looked around the room, her eyes blurred by the hot tears that were now streaming down her face as well as in her eyes. She hated to brake down like this. Maybe she had came up to the owlery for alone time then, maybe she knew this was going to happen, and she didn’t want people to know just how sad she had become. She still faked a pretty smile and laughed with her friends, not many had notice the change in figure, or the change in her eyes, not even the obvious scars.

Samantha went and sat at on the floor her back to the doors she came in. If anyone did come in she didn’t want to see them. She didn’t want them to notice her little shaking shoulders and her sobs.

[dwts2418]

Adam stood at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the Owlery. A cold draft blew down the winding flight of steps, chilling him to the bone and carried with it the smell of owls and their feces. Adam had never really had a reason to go to the Owlery in the first place. His family and he didn't get along at all, and all of his friends were here at the school. He had avoided this place and the entire Castle for a long time, and wasn't quite sure why he had suddenly decided to come back. Perhaps it was simply a desire to remember happier times, but more likely, it was to torment himself with thoughts of things lost but not forgotten. He sighed, and mounted the first step on his way to sorrow.

Though the path was dark except for the torches which were few and far between, this was little hindrance to Adam's lycan senses. He could see as well as smell the thin layer of dust covered most of the steps, a sign of neglect rarely seen at the Castle. The only disturbance in the otherwise immaculate coating were the prints of shoes. Someone had gone up to the Owlery. Recently. Having been a Ravenclaw, Adam could never leave his curiosity unsatisfied, despite the many problems it had caused before. He continued up the steps with more enthusiasm than before.

Adam wore his usual clothing, a pair of deep blue, nearly black in the flickering light, jeans that were slightly baggy, his black shoes, and a loose black t-shirt. His sapphire eyes glinted in the torchlight with an inhuman quality. Adam had never been heavy, or even out of shape, but since his Turning his muscles had become more defined and toned, and he moved with more grace. His temperament had also changed, he was more cold, more calculating. Less human and more predator. Sometimes giving way to polar mood swings. He had come away from his life altering experience a different person, but whether for better or worse was still to be seen.

As he neared the top of the stairs, a soft sound floated from the open door way. Adam peered around the corner and drew back with a hiss at the sight. He thought he had recognized something in the air, a smell, a... something that should have reminded him, but he had set it off as just another ghost haunting him. Samantha sat weeping in the Owlery, her back to him. He could hear the voice of his Lycan instincts crooning at the thought of such easy prey, but shook the thoughts away. This was Sam, his Sam. His first friend, his first love, and she was weeping, and it tore his heart to hear her.

Something was different about her, though, and it didn't take long for Adam to pick it out. On her arms were the faint white lines of scars, but much too orderly to have been accidentaly caused. He could see as much as smell the fear and sadness radiating off of her, and he wondered what could have caused such a reaction in her. It had been months since he had last seen her, and she to was a different person. Had I caused this change in her? Made this nightmare happen for her? Adam walked in, making sure the sound of his feet could be heard over her crying, and stood behind her shoulder for a moment.

As he looked down at her, he felt feelings return he had hoped had been shrugged off as "unnecessary", or, "too human", and then he knelt down, and hugged her, feeling tears of his own slide down his cheek.

[Samantha]

(I simply adore the way our posts always seem to flow so well...♥)

She heard the sound of the footsteps. Actually, she heard the sound of obvious footsteps. It was as though whom ever had just entered the room wanted to make it perfectly clear they were there. The room had a different feel to it, then it did before this 'stranger' came in. The foot steps tore her thoughts back to the present. However, she didn't turn towards the intruder. She sat there crying herself away. Sam felt them stop behind her. What a creepy idea it was that some random person was just standing there. And still she didn't bother to turn around. Maybe this was her being brave. Or perhaps more likely it was that she knew whoever it was would see her like this, they would see her at her absolute worst.

Just leave.... She thought, however then, a pair of strong arms fell over her. She knew the feeling. She was reminded of months before. She was reminded of everything she had been hurting herself to forget. Samantha then turned around. She turned and for only a moment let her deep emerald eyes fall upon his. Then she buried her face in his shoulder, and cried harder then she had since the day he left her alone. Since that day her life changed, for the worse.

[dwts2418]

Adam looked into Sam's eyes, and wanted to hold her forever. For a moment he could feel her pain in the way she stared at him, when their eyes locked. Her emerald eyes that had just seconds before been lifeless were now filled with conflicting emotions. He could see love, but he could see her pain, and wondered if he was also looking at hate, or even fear. Adam didn't think he could stand that. Let her hate him for what he did to her, but if she were to fear him, he would lose all hope in his frail humanity. Then the moment was past, and she wept into his shoulder once again.

Despite the fact the he himself was crying, Adam found himself stroking her hair, and softly whispering, "It's ok... you don't need to cry anymore. I'm here now, and I won't leave you again." But as soon as they had left his mouth, Adam began to wonder about his words. Just like you were there for her before, huh? So easy to forget how you left earlier, but will it stay this way forever? You have to let go sometime, you're immortal now, and she's... not. He prayed silently that it would, but doubted that life would be that kind to them. Adam took a moment to wipe the tears from his face on his arm before he wrapped it around his angel, his love, his Sam. "I'll never let go," he whispered half for his reassurance, half for hers, and held her all the tighter.

(Me to Ugh... too short. Sorry)

[Samantha]

She heard the words, and searched for truth in them. How long until he would forget about her again. How long until he would leave her to die. Anger swelled in her stomach. A feeling she was not used to. A feeling she tried so hard to keep away. She felt so many different things towards him. She loved him so much, but she wanted to hate him, she was afraid of him, she was hurt by him.

Samantha pulled her self with great effort out of his arms. She looked at him again, with red eyes, tired eyes. Ones that had seen so many things, and had been filled with such light once. She calmed herself down, calmed herself down enough to talk without sounding like a blubbering idiot. She tried to summon the words that she wanted to say, and yet, nothing seemed to hit the sport directly, she would have to try. Sam looked deep into his blue eyes. Tried to figure out some sense of meaning in him. She could see the shiny lines on his face from where he too had cried. She knew he loved her. But why did he leave her? Why did he do this to her?

"A-Adam..." She started shakily, about to voice the thoughts that had haunted her for so many months. So many nights she should have been sleeping. "Adam." She reapeated, this time a little more passionatly, a little more detirmined, stronger. "How, how could you? I mean look at me. Look at what these past few months has done to me...Don't you see? Didn't you know, how much I loved you?" She said, hurt filled her voice.

She turned her back to him, she started to cry again. Samantha wanted to hide herself from him. I am so hideous, how can he even bare to look at me? She asked herself. She wanted to run and hide from him. She wanted everything to be okay again.

More then anything else she just wanted him. She wanted him to stay with her. But that was the one thought that was the hardest to say.

[dwts2418]

Eyes closed, Adam sat, just listening to her breathing, the calming, relaxing sound of serenity found. He had found his salvation in this young woman, and had no intention of returning to his damnation. And what makes you think she shares your love? Perhaps it is unrequited? Maybe you've hurt her so bad she doesn't want anything to do with you... that would be justice, wouldn't it? His mind assaulted him from all sides with doubts and fears, making him stare into Sam's silver-white hair, and ponder their situation. He loved her, and wanted it to stay that way forever, but a chasm now separated them that was so wide, Adam knew he would be unable to bridge the distance alone. But how could he make Sam accept him now?

Adam was pushed from his brooding when Sam suddenly pulled herself away from him. Her scent was like a basket of yarn after a kitten was done with it, a mix of feelings gnarled and knotted with no discernible beginning or end to one emotion or another. Emerald eyes filled with tears on the verge of being shed met his Midnight blue ones that he once believed had forgotten how to cry as Sam struggled to say what it was she was feeling. Adam sympathized with her, knowing the confusion that must be filling her as it was him.

Though he knew what was coming, Adam was still ill prepared for the attack upon his already weak emotions. "How, how could you? I mean look at me. Look at what these past few months has done to me...Don't you see? Didn't you know, how much I loved you?" Each word was like another nail driven into his skull and heart, magnified by the pain in her voice, as Adam racked his heart and tore his mind apart in search of an answer that would suffice. None came. You deserve this... He knew the truth of the thought but fought desperately to answer Sam's questions. "I... I... I had no choice, Sam. Do you understand what I am? Do you know what that means for Us? You're beautiful, funny, compassionate, a-and despite all this," He looked down in shame, "I just don't know how it could ever work out, no matter how much I wish it could."

Adam stared at Sam, beauty incarnate, love given human form, and felt disgust welling within himself as he watched a new wave of tears role down her cheeks. How can she look at me? I'm a monster... a terrible creature who doesn't deserve sympathy or love, or kindness. I've torn her life to pieces and have driven her to cutting. And yet, while I am what I am, I will always love her. He couldn't help but smile at this self-revelation. No matter how many times he had told himself before that he had loved her, he had doubted himself. Now, when he was losing her, he realized how true that statement was. Bittersweet irony filled him as he waited for her reply.

[Samantha]

Samantha looked in his eyes. Watched him talk, watched his expressions change. She payed attention to the small details about him, she missed being able to just talk to him, be with him. She missed the days when she saw him often. Her mind was pushed back to the day they met, she saw him int he Entrance Hall. She almost wanted to smile at the thought of that day, the thought of the beginning, when they knew nothing of what would come. The night at the lake, when they talked as friends, as people. They had just met, perhaps though she knew then, maybe a little that there was something about him. She wished she could still look at him the way she did that night. Then there were run ins along the way, she saw him in the Common Room, the night of the game of Truth or Dare. But the night that was clearest in her mind, was up in the Tower, she wouldn't ever be able to forget it. She wished she could, so many nights when she had laid in bed wondering if she would ever see him again, wishing she could forget him. The last time they had met he told her he was a Lycan, and that was it, that was the end of it all. That was the end of her real life.

She must have been silent for five minutes as she sat there thinking. Thinking about the past was something she had done to many times. Before today, she had been trying to make a new life of it, and be happy, she was pulling through. She knew though, seeing him again would only make things worse.

She pulled herself out of her trance, and looked at him again. She tried hard to come up with something to say in response. She wasn't crying anymore. She was done crying, she hoped. Words couldn't describe exactly how she felt at the moment. She felt like she needed to be pinched and woken up from this dream, she wanted to wake up in the common room, five months earlier.

"Adam." She said, her voice calm, and quiet, but still full of all the feeling it had before at the same time. "I honestly, honestly, could not care whether you were an alien. I still love you even if you are what you are. Isn't that the point of loving someone?" She looked into his eyes as she spoke to him. But once she stopped her eyes fell back to the floor. She looked at the straw that covered the wood boards. She owls her sleeping pleasantly, waiting for someone to give them a task. She wished she could fly away. She wished she could fly.

Sam stood up, walking to one of the near by windows, setting her arms in the frame of the window, and setting her face in her hands, she felt the sun on her face, and make her white hair shine. Her back was to him, she wondered what he was going to say, she wanted to ask him what he was thinking about. She refrained. She shut her eyes to the sun, and waited.

[dwts2418]

Adam stared at Sam's back, and pondered silently to himself what she had just said. She was right. It was as simple as that. And yet, he knew there was so much more to it than the simple, Utopian ideal she had boiled it down to. Talking about love no matter what was one thing, and true, it had its charm and beauty, but actually loving once you understood what it was you had gotten yourself into? That was an entirely different matter, a matter of truth and cold, hard facts.

A rage was brought to a boil deep inside of him, the anger of a caged creature. He was held by bonds not of the physical, but the emotional kind, which were in his experience, far worse. What does she know about it? It's all wonderful for her to sit there, and to tell me she can love me no matter what but how long will that last? I don't want to be hurt again, and neither does she, and yet she acts as though everything will be fine if we just come back together.

And the darkness that inhabits the soul of all things wild came over him, and he felt cold apathy seep into every pore of his being. What do emotions matter to a hunter, when mercy is a weakness, and to have pity is to die? He quickly forgot all the things he had said in the past few minutes, dismissing them as childish. The sun that warmed the room minute by minute did nothing to melt the icy shell enveloping his core. He now glared at her back, all semblances of a smile gone from his face. As much as he hated to hurt her, a clean break was best. "Sam... perhaps its time I go. We both need to get on with our lives. We had fun while it lasted, but its over now. It was a bad idea for me to come here, I can see that now," He looked pointedly at her wrists. "Even in this place of magic, some wishes can never come true."

With that he turned his back on Sam, and strode to the stairwell. At that last instant though, perhaps hoping to know that she hurt as bad as he did, perhaps wishing that she would somehow stop him. Adam thought of the irony of that as he stood there, frozen to the spot: some wishes never come true.

[Samantha]

She acted as though she didn’t hear him as he spoke. She left her back to him and didn’t turn once. She heard his echoing light footsteps walking toward where he came from. Walking out on her, walking out of the small world they were both a part of. She missed those days, when they were happy. She felt so degraded so sad that he could act this way. His voice so confident and cold. One not of himself. She hated the idea that he could leave her so easily. Her eyes welled with fresh tears that never got to fall.

Did he realize how she felt? Did she realize that she knew hell. When he was gone thats where she was. Did he realize that nothing could be worse then the last months? All these thoughts boiled in her head. Sam wanted to turn around and hit him. She wanted to let him walk out that door, and never think of him again. She could go back to her depression, and go back to drowning her sorrows in coffee and razors. She was fine with that.

However, Samantha also knew that unless she wanted to regret it for the rest of her life, she had to do one more thing before she never saw him again. She got up with ease, and perhaps could be mistaken for grace instead of purpose. Her white hair fell in loose ringlets around her body, and her green eyes glinted, coated with the glaze of tears and blind with what she thought of as love. She walked over to the doorway, and pulled him to face her*, she looked into his ice blue eyes, and pressed her lips to his. She didn’t know if that was the right thing to do, but she didn’t want to hate herself, and regret not doing it. If her really felt nothing for her, he could walk out that door then and there, and she would leave him alone forever.

[small god-rp- I had permission..♥]

[dwts2418]

The sound of approaching footsteps made Adam tense, preparing to be slapped, but the blow never came. Her hands, so small and yet so commanding, reached up and forced him to face her. For a moment, their gazes met, he stared emotionlessly into her eyes, like windows into her soul. In an instant that seemed an eternity, he truly looked at her. He saw her pain, her hope, her fear, and most of all her love, but in not one fiber of his being, he could find even an ounce of feeling to return. As he stood there, his instincts told him to prepare for a fight, to be ready to attack, but nothing could have prepared him for what happened next.

One moment he was preparing to tell her off, to make her leave him alone and finally give this festering wound a chance to heal, the next, he was lost. The first thing he felt after their lips touched was shock, numb, and more animalistic than human, but then, a wave of emotion threatened to drown him. He was ripped from his safe cocoon of apathy and thrust into a cold and harsh world full of rejection, greed, hatred, violence, and a slew of horrible feelings and emotions beyond comprehension. But at the same time, he felt a warm, embracing light as he remembered happiness, sharing days with Sam, kindness, mercy. He remembered to laugh.

The torrent spared no corner of his being, flaying him to his core, and shattering his protective shell. But Adam didn't care, he was in love and he knew it. Try as he might to run away, no matter how far he went or how hard he pushed her away, Sam always came back. After their lips separated, Adam stood speechless for a moment, not caring that tears were rolling down his cheeks as he looked through bleary eyes at Sam. He leaned against the wall for support, and even then found it difficult to stand. Beauty incarnate and compassion given flesh, she loved him. After all he had done to her. He looked at her wrists as he had done moments ago, and remembered that he had caused that. He looked at how thin she had become, and knew that he was the root of that as well. Adam stepped close, and wrapped his arms gently around Sam, as though afraid he might hurt her again. Adam stood there, simply holding Sam and weeping. After a few moments, he looked into her eyes, and whispered softly, "Please... forgive me, Love."