Telah
New Member
Gryffindor Student
I died inside the day she said goodbye, now I'm a shell of a man with a spirit of a demon
Posts: 383
|
Poem
Dec 31, 2005 9:38:31 GMT
Post by Telah on Dec 31, 2005 9:38:31 GMT
Hey I was looking through a bunch of poems I wrote a few months ago and I came across one that I really like so if you guys could tell me what you think that be great.
Crystal Angel
Broken Shattered Falling fast Smashed to peices Like broken glass Ripped apart Torn to shreds I was ment to fight But broke instead Fallen Angel Broken dreams Life is not for me it seems Crystal angle With Concreat Eyes Never to be whole inside With wings of stone Not ment to reach the sky Bound to earth While others fly Bound by these unbroken chains Never to be whole again
Tell me what you think ok and if you like them maby ill post more.
|
|
Kelli
New Member
Ravenclaw Student
hi
Posts: 62
|
Poem
Dec 31, 2005 10:17:30 GMT
Post by Kelli on Dec 31, 2005 10:17:30 GMT
wow! that is sooooooo good!!!
i love it! i love it! i love it!
i cant do poems, i am useless!
|
|
|
Poem
Dec 31, 2005 16:26:37 GMT
Post by Teagan on Dec 31, 2005 16:26:37 GMT
I think it's really good, but the flow gets messed up when there are a lot more syllables in on line than in the rest of the poem.
|
|
|
Poem
Jan 1, 2006 9:24:55 GMT
Post by Maí Lé Rosà on Jan 1, 2006 9:24:55 GMT
As you asked me to reply here, I will, Telah.
This poem is interesting. It reminds me of our thread in the Graveyard a while ago (something about a sunrise). There are many typos in this poem though, and you should always fix those before posting a finished piece of work (it makes for much easier reading, and the poem tends to flow far better that way).
Teagan is right about the syllables. It doesn't flow so well when there are more in some lines than others, but I'm sure you'll get better at that in time. A way to help that is to read your poem aloud and edit any parts that don't sound quite right.
Other than typos and uneven syllables, I really enjoyed it. I like how it is simple, but powerful. The idea behind it is quite intriguing, can I ask what exactly it is about? - If you can remember.
~Mai xx
|
|
Telah
New Member
Gryffindor Student
I died inside the day she said goodbye, now I'm a shell of a man with a spirit of a demon
Posts: 383
|
Poem
Jan 1, 2006 9:29:53 GMT
Post by Telah on Jan 1, 2006 9:29:53 GMT
Ya ill tell you in a pm ok.
|
|
Elorra
New Member
Faerie
Come fly with me.
Posts: 1,619
|
Poem
Jan 2, 2006 5:03:30 GMT
Post by Elorra on Jan 2, 2006 5:03:30 GMT
coolies there deary.
v.interesting. v.interesting. *grins*
|
|