I need criticism: Good OR Bad

[Kiki]

I wrote this piece for a story writing competition. It's 1498 words exactly so I can't add any more to it without taking other parts out (word limit is 1500). I would like some views/comments on it as to how I can improve it or whether I should leave it as it.

Much Love,
Ki ;D

P.S. Slight sexual content. If you know anything about the story of cursed Trojan prophetess Cassandra, you'll understand why. For those who don't and aren't scared away by the slight sexual content, then read this and find out about what happened to her.

EDIT - Thanks for all your comments, I had to take the story off the net because it's not supposed to have been published anywhere before it was entered in the competition. So Shhh, it was never here.

If you're still interested in reading it and haven't yet, IM me and I'll see what I can do.

[Elorra]

Ooo!

very well done love.

Tis exelent! *grins*

I kno I spelt it wrong but meh. Tis lovely.

[Forgoil Halifirien]

..................*is shocked and astounded*

Miss Michaels; that was brilliant. I am a big fan of Greek Mythology, but never have I heard the story of Cassandra told in that perspective before. The Greeks always made it look like she was at fault, but you changed it and it seems to be a more modern view point than that of the Greeks. I heartily congratulate you and hope that you do well in the competition. If you don't do well....then those judges are fools with addled brains.

Again; great job and I hope you do well

[Professor Windwaltz]

Ohhh Kiki...that's like...utterly amazing. It's like one of those things which I can read happily and not skim. It's a story based on mythology...it's excellent. It kept my attention all the way through and I never stopped once. I especially loved the whole Apollo/Cassandra ordeal. Though honestly I feel just as bad for Apollo as I do for Cassandra. But there you go! I feel bad for them! The emotion in it is amazing, you can actually get into the characters - but then, they're not really your characters so as they're the Greeks, but this interpretation their yours.

So criticism good or bad? Calling it bad would be a disgrace. And calling it Good would be an understatement. It was genius.

I adore your use of adjectives too.

[Lottie]

-nods- Through what you've written in there, Miss Kiki, you can most definitely see the scene playing out in front. There's so much detail in there that it's impossible to not see the scene almost performed in front of you.

I agree with everything Miss Peterson, Mr. Halifrien and Prof. Windwaltz have said.

~Little Lottie

[Andy]

That's truly terrific. Really. You successfully managed to create a picture in the mind's eye without confusion. I was never lost or bored, and everything blended together perfectly. My only negative critic is, togas (end of the third paragraph) in Greek society were only worn by males. Females wore chitons made up in either the doric, ionic, or gathered fashions, or a himation (worn by both males and females). Sorry, it's just the costuming mistress in me. Really your story/plot line and everything is awesome. Those judges would be fools not to realize that. Best of luck.

EDIT: I was never here. I've never read it. Just ask me. ;D

[Kiki]

Shh, I'm not supposed to be online.

Thank-you very much for your comments, particularly Talon and Forgoil - simply because I know how much you both love Greek Mythology, so that means a lot.

Andy - Thanks for the tip, I couldn't remember what they were called, and toga didn't seem to fit right so I stuck with robes for the rest of it.

I'm going to post it tomorrow.

;D

[Tianna]

I know this reply is a little late, but for the worth of my opinion, that was utterly enchanting Kiki. You portray Cassandra so well, you almost seem to understand her as though a part of you were her. The way you wrote it, as Lottie said, sets the scene before the reader's eyes, and the performance is so detailed and accurate to your point. I loved it. Congratulations and the world of luck to you!

Regards,
Tianna V.

[Andy]

Don't forget to let as know how you did as soon as you can. Best of luck. ;D