From a different perspective

[Vivian Pryce]

OOC: I know, I know. I promise I'll have an open thread eventually. Till then, invite only.

BIC:It was eerie how different the reflection of the moon on the soft rippling surface of the lake looked from here instead of the astronomy tower. There it seemed so distant, to surreal, but here it was within her grasp. If she felt particularly daring, Vivian could just slide forward a bit and reach out a slender finger to touch the surface of the water and watch the tiny ripples that the contact made, disrupting the pattern that the the breeze created for only a moment. Watching something up close like this was so different, so mind boggling, as her nature was normally so detached.

Vivian was far from understanding friendship yet, but she knew that she liked it. Having that close of a relationship with someone that had priorly been a stranger would have sounded completely bonkers to her a month or so ago, but now she was beginning to understand all the hype about it. It felt good to have someone there for you, someone to confide in, someone to tell your deepest darkest secrets. But still, she felt just the slighest tinge of guilt when she was around either one of them, because secretly she knew that she'd never be able to trust either of them like they trusted her. Viv knew that when the time came that they realized something was wrong, she wouldn't tell them, and they'd get mad at her for hiding everything from them. Her walls were always up, shielding the truth from others, and sometimes from herself.

And now she had even more troubling news on her mind, as she'd just discovered that her brother was here at the school. Her friends had probably noticed how she had been blinking even less, looked more exhausted and afraid than usual, always glancing over her shoulder, looking for that slim hand was would close upon it, grasping so tightly that she was forced to bite back a cry of pain, and tugging her away. Those cold gray eyes... there was nothing more frightening to the world. And to most people Andrew was a nice guy.

And then there was Betta, her friend, and Troy, the boy that she was falling for. Vivian just didn't understand how you could even talk to a person that quickly, not to mention fall madly in love with them. Somehow deep inside Vivian knew there was no way she'd ever be able to feel that deeply for another person. She'd already sunk too deeply into herself for any other's words to completely penetrate into her skull. Everything in her life was regarded with a cold edge of sheer numb observance. Though, that didn't stop her from being utterly jealous all the same. Somehow she felt that Elizabetta had something she hid from her as well, and yet, even though she needed the aid of her doll, she could still communicate and behave as a normal person. In ten years Vivian would probably be crammed behind a desk somewhere, her pretty face hidden behind a towering stack of books and papers, lined by years of stress and loneliness.

Vivian would have cried had she been much more frustrated with herself. She kept vowing that tomorrow she'd wake up and make herself better, talk to someone, smile and laugh like a normal 16 year old with everything in the world that she could want. Viv was ashamed with herself, for what she'd let herself become, for how she treated others, for that wasted beauty that she'd have gladly given to anyone else if she was given the opportunity. It was another burden on her mind, another thing to hide behind a veil of secrecy and lies. All for the family, she told herself. She was fine with being a martyr, as long as it made up for everything wrong, hid the fact that everything was all her own dumb fault.

[Branden]

Branden wandered slowly down to the lake, nursing his right hand. It still ached a bit, although it was mostly healed now. He'd gone for a week without carving since Braeden had knocked him down in the Great Hall. Branwen had told him it would heal, and so far she was being proved right... but Branden was worried. He missed being able to carve intensely, and was beginning to worry that he might have lost his knack. He resolved to start carving again tomorrow. He had to keep his hand in, as it were.

As he approached the lake, Branden noticed someone sitting on a rock by the water's edge. As he got closer, he recognised Vivian, her red-blonde hair glowing slightly in the moonlight. He smiled softly to himself and walked a little faster. He had a purpose now.

As he neared the water, Bryn cawed quietly from his shoulder and ruffled her feathers, flashing the stripe of bright yellow on her tail, contrasting with the jet-black feathers that covered her body. Branden gave a low chuckle and reched up to scratch the cockatoo lightly, murmuring something.

As he approached Vivian, he stopped a few feet away, not wanting to intrude if she wanted to be alone. He stood in silence for a second, and then smiled to himself again. "May I join you?" he asked softly. He smiled at her, waiting.

[Vivian Pryce]

It was not the rustling of his feet against the ground, nor was it that tingle down your spine you got when someone was watching you from behind that alerted Vivian that someone was there. It was the cawing of the bird, far too close and familiar to be anything but the pet of one of the students there. She was almost prepared to stand up and leave, as her head swiveled ever so slightly on her neck, her eyes doing most of the work in order to see behind her. She squinted against the darkness, a face looming just close enough into the light reflecting off the lake to be seen clearly as a friend. Just the slighest of smiles to indicate that she was okay, a little ray of sunshine through the cover of the nearly black storm clouds. It gave the illusion that nothing was direly wrong, and she was just here to think and relax, just like so many other students did. In truth she was hiding, from the scrutiny of others, and from one person in particular. And thankfully, it wasn't the boy who approached.

"H-hullo Branden," she said, the false cheer making her voice ring and echo in the air, audible for a distance but recognizable only in close range. "Of-of course." Viv's voice had just the slightest weary edge to it, and she looked just a bit frazzled and sleeped deprived, though the moon glow brought out the flawless pale tone of her skin, and not the beginnings of dark circles under her eyes. Hidden behind a cascade of red hair, she looked her normal self, even to the most trained eye. She was clad in a loose soft blue gown that covered from her wrists to her ankles, but the top button at the neck was undone so she didn't feel choked.

She gestured briefly to an open spot right next to her, that would fit the tall boy comfortably. Vivian would have liked her time alone, but perhaps she needed the voice of a friend to comfort her when she needed it, though she wouldn't dare divulge the dire problem that was on her mind at the present moment. Besides, there was always the convenient topic of Branden's healing progress, though she was afraid that might stir up a little pain, as he'd been unable to carve recently because of his hand injury.

"How are y-you recovering?" she asked weakly, hoping she hadn't sounded completely stupid, trying to ask a normal question in this situation, but still coming out with a slight stutter and a nervous tremble. There was nothing to fear from Branden, at least, she'd convinced herself that, and for the sake of feeling close to sane at this moment, she was going to believe that with all her heart.

[Branden]

Branden smiled again and sat next to Viv, staring out over teh water for a moment. It wasnice to come here at night, just to sit and think. The reflection of the moon off the water induced reflection of oneself; a time to think, to consider. Branden sighed and smiled slightly. He had a lot to consider.

He turned and smiled softly at Vivian, taking in her appearance. She really did look quite pretty in the light blue gown, matching her eyes and contrasting beautifully with her strawberry-blonde hair. But, all the same... she looked drained, somehow. Not so much tired, as...

He frowned, trying to understand. She almost looked... afraid? But he'd never hurt her, she knew that, she had no reason to fear him. Maybe it was Bryn she was scared of. After all, Viv had only seen her the once, in the Hospital Wing after the incident in the Great Hall. Branden reached up and extended his arm, allowingthe large black bird to step from his shulder to sit on hisforearm, ruffling her feathers slightly. Branden supposed he could understand how the bird might be intimidating, although he'd never been scared of them himself. He'd grown up with birds like this.

Branden lifted Bryn up to be level with his face, and smiled softly, scratching her neck. "Go now," he said. "There's food for you in the Owlery. I'll come see you later." The bird nuzzled his hand, almost appearing to nod, and flew off to the castle with a quiet call. Branden watched her go, smiling slightly, before turning back to Vivian. "How are you?" he asked softly. He knew something was wrong, but he wanted to give her the chance to tell him herself.

[Vivian Pryce]

Vivian had never really bonded so well with animals, save for cats, and she never found birds to be particularly affectionate, though Branden's relationship with Bryn was definitely interesting. Bryn was probably to him what Shadow was to her, and that really meant a lot when you thought about it.

Somehow she couldn't shake the feeling that Branden had sensed that something was wrong, judging by the frown. It seemed that maybe he thought that the bird was scaring her, but Viv only wished that an animal was the worst of her problems. Her face contorted into a perplexed expression as she again heard that cawing coming from her mouth, and she was certain she'd mentioned it before. Her jaw dropped open, blue eyes bulging for just a moment as she watched the bird seemingly follow some command, one that she couldn't understand. Maybe he had worked out a system of bird calls, but somehow she thought that was improbable. Branden was just a teenager, after all, but a teenager in the magic world. Admittedly, talking to any sort of animal was not a common gift, but the fact that he was a wizard made it worlds more believable. Still, she decided to ask an obvious question, one that might hint to him what people around him were observing. What to say, what to say...

Speak like mom would... she thought. Mother was one of the most well spoken people in the magical world. What father lost in that skill he made up in intellect, which always helped him hold his own in a sophisticated conversation. Vivian, however, was quite hopeless. The only Pryce without a silver tongue.

"Did... did you kn-know you w-were just cawing?" Vivian said finally, wincing at the sound of her own voice and the clueless edge to it. At least, it offered a momentary distraction from his question, which she was carefully avoided by posing another that would be of more interest at the moment. A conversation could be made into a strategy game if you knew what you were doing, and for Vivian, that was the only tactic she really had any expertise in. She knew when to reply, when to ignore the question, and when to just walk away. However, the "how" in regards to the first category was where her mind failed, and unfortunately, that seemed to be the most important field nowadays.

[Branden]

Branden's brow furrowed as he tried to understand what Vivian had just said. "Cawing?" he asked, obviously confused. "What do you mean? I wasn't..." Cawing? What on earth... he'd been talking to Bryn, yes, But he hadn't been cawing. He was just talking normally, the same as he always did.

I don't understand what you mean," he said again. He was thoroughly confused. "I was just talking normally..."

[Vivian Pryce]

A slow smile spread across her face like a pile of modeling clay would melt and flatten on an extremely hot day, forming to her face in a sticky coat that she doubted she would fully pry off for a time. Now this was an interesting situation, now that Branden claimed to have no knowledge of the skill. It all made perfect sense really, for if he'd known, he probably would have explained it to her. She didn't like laughing at other's expense, but the clueless expression on his face was all too perfect. She only wished she had her sketch pad with her, just to capture the basic outlines and fill in the rest later.

Instead, she memorized the expression as best as she could, drinking it up with those inquisitive blue eyes so that she could capture in forever in those simple pencil strokes that could so easily tell a story. Maybe even color it, add that magnificent blue-white tint of the moon in the midnight sky. The thought itself was distracting enough to stop her from coming up with an immediate reply. Shaking her head visibly, she brought herself violently back to earth, her present interest in the situation sending her problems out of attention, but there was no doubt that this would be sorted out in no time at all, leaving exactly what she was avoiding right in center stage, where she couldn't miss it.

"N-no you weren't. Y-you w-were cawing... like a bird. I-I-I think yyyyou can talk to them..." Her explanation was slow, as if he were a child or just incredibly simple minded. Viv would have felt stupid or guilty for taking that tone at this time, but sometimes that was just what it took to make the information sink in.

In just a few brief moments of silence, her mind was already slipping back into that dismal black prison that was her current mindset. There was no escaping, no possible way to save herself from this for once. Vivian hated being trapped, being vulnerable, but that was exactly what she was. Suddenly, dressed in the slightly tighter and thinner nightgown, she felt exposed, unclean. Like he could see somehow all the secrets she held. That he knew all her dirty little secrets that she hid from everyone. All for the family.

[Branden]

Branden blinked.

"T-talk to them?" he stuttered. "You really think I can... talk to birds?" The thought seemed ridiculous. Birds had always seemed to understand him... but they were just smart. Weren't they? He'd thought it was the same for everyone...

He felt a sudden swell in his chest. If it was true, if he could talk to birds... then he was special. He had something no-one else did... or at least no-one else at this school, he was sure. But as soon as he started thinking about it, the feeling deflated and his heart sank. He was unique. At school, it was always a bad idea to be unique. He'd learned that the hard way. He'd get labelled a freak, called names, maybe even beaten like at his old school... and with magic, it would be a hundred times worse.

Branden's thoughts were in a turmoil. He stared out at the lake, trying to form a coherent thought.

He could talk to birds...

He shook his head slightly, trying to wrap his mind around this stunning revelation. He managed to whisper "Wow..." before resting his head in his hands and staring unseeing at the water once more.

[Vivian Pryce]

That inner struggle was something that Viv had long since learned to recognize in an instant, having felt that way all of her life. A million fronts that she was stuck in indecision on, never going anywhere, frozen in time just trying to sort things out as the world just passed her by. That triumph in his eyes, followed by just a touch of sadness. She could only begin to fathom what he was thinking, to understand his mindset right now. This was huge news, as the ability was incredibly rare. Viv had no special talents of her own, and she thought grimly, she had found yet another thing to envy. She'd give anything to just be a normal person for a day. The title of extraordinary wouldn't be necessary.

Her eyes glanced over him, taking in any hints in his body language and impression that might give her a clue as to what was going on in his mind right now. Definitely pride, definitely happiness. But there was something else, something she couldn't place. Perhaps he was afraid that he might be outcast for it. Might suddenly be the person who never fit in no matter what they did. Maybe afraid of turning out like her.

No matter what his true reaction was, this was big news, and he needed his friends by his side. She bit back her envy as again someone around her found a way to be better than her other than the flaws that she was well aware of. She carefully placed a hand on his shoulder, catching the blank look in his eyes.

"Wow is r-right," she said with a soft smile, deliberately turning all attention on him and away from herself. As long as his issues were on the forefront of her mind, there was no space for the real problem, no reason to ponder the bigger picture that she was only hurting herself by ignoring.

"You okay?" Viv asked blankly, searching for words for the present situation but finding none. She was the kind of girl that wasn't used to living life in the real world. If she were to be expelled from school, she'd just go back home to her huge house to spend the rest of her life waited upon, not really having to do anything if she chose not to. Her siblings abused their genorosity, leeched off the life her parents had made for them. A family full of spoiled control freaks was undoubtedly going to have problems. Especially when there was such an obvious runt of the litter.

[Branden]

Branden jumped slightly, startled out of his inward reverie by Vivian's soft voice. He turned to face her, momentarily berwildered, but then his expression cleared and he smiled slightly. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine. It's just... a lot to take in." He flicked his hair out of his eyes, then looked down at the ground again, causing it to fall back. He brushed it back once more. It was a unconcious movement, now. Just a mannerism.

He reached down and picked up a small stone, turning it over in his hand, wincing slightly. His hand still ached; but he needed to keep carving. He weighed the stone in his hand, shifted it to get a proper grip, and then let fly, the small rock bouncing across the water seven times before sinking. He watched the ripples as they faded, sitting in silence. Then his eyes narrowed.

He stood up slowly, eyes fixed on something in the water. He walked forward to the water's edge, each step slow and careful. When he reached the line where the water met the shore, he simply kept going, wading into the shallow water. He was almost there, now - the object he had been staring fixedly at for the last few minutes was almost directly below him. He reached a hand and felt around in the water. Then he squatted down in the water and looked more closely, reaching out slowly and plucking something of the bottom.

[Vivian Pryce]

Confusion was a feeling that Vivian did not enjoy, and yet, had the privelidge of enduring so often. She had a mind that didn't comprehend things like other people did, and couldn't react to certain situations stably. The foundations of her whole little world were crumbling, and the only thing she had left to do was to try and fix it as it tumbled, keep it standing even though it shouldn't be anymore. Sometimes she felt she should just let go and see what became of her life, of her. But still, despite the hours long talks with herself, the broken resolutions and promises, she never did anything.

She understood perfectly, however, what Branden meant by the statement. When she was little and great grandma died, she couldn't comprehend it. It took until they were lowering the coffin down into the predug hole that she even began to understand what was going on, and still, she had to adjust to the change. And that was a change in her environment, really. Not in herself. Though Branden had been this all along. He just hadn't known it somehow.

Again, skipping stones. Something that Vivian had never really found any skill in or any pleasure in practicing. She didn't have the coordination to throw the rock correctly to make it bounce across the surface, and frankly, she didn't have the motivation. She'd much rather draw it, though she had yet to sucessfully capture that quick of a moment on paper in anything other than words.

Imagine Viv's surprise when Branden stood suddenly and began to wade out into the water. Part of her wondered if she should stop him, but the majority of her mind was thinking that he knew exactly what he was doing. Still, the sudden action was eerie and confusing, and she couldn't help but stare, trying to get a glimsp at whatever it was he had plucked from the shallow water. She debated going into the water after him, but she would get soaking wet, and she didn't really care to try and travel through water with that much fabric weighting her down.

"What-what're you doing?" Vivian called out after him, her voice amplified just enough for him to hear her from the shore, her concerned gaze fixed on him and whatever it was he had picked up.

[Branden]

Branden turned the object over and over in his hands, peering at it. He wasn't sure, but it looked like... But it couldn't be. It didn't make sense, not here... It is a magic school, said a little voice in the back of his head. Does it have to make sense?

He turned back and began wading to shore. When he reached Vivian he was soaking wet and grinning broadly, with something clutched in his left fist. Just the motivation I needed, he thought. He splashed over to where Viv was sitting, grinning broadly, his eyes shining. He held out his hand to reveal a small, plain, unnatractive grey stone.

It took him a moment to realise that Vivian probably wouldn't be impressed by this. Sometimes he forgot that people didn't see what he did. Or say what you do... came the voice again, but he ignored it. Branden held the stone up to the pale moonlight. It looked as plain and ugly as before. He sighed and smiled ruefully at Vivian. "You can't see it, can you?" he asked rhetorically. "I never expected to find it here..." He shook his head and sat down next to her. "It's jade," he said softly. "Surrounded by this -" He gestured at the grey stone. "-but it's what's inside that matters. Jade..." He gave a low whistle. "It's beautiful, it really is. Just the motivation I needed to start carving again."

Then his brow furrowed. Here was the problem. "But what to carve?" he muttered softly. It had to be something beautiful, worth the stone it would be immortalised in...

Branwen.

His first thought, but he immediately discarded it. He couldn't face her again. Bryn? But no, smart as she was, Bryn wouldn't be able to appreciate such a thing - and there was no joy in carving for someone when you couldn't see their eyes light up at the finished product.

It was then that he turned to look at Vivian. Btu this time his gaze was calculating. Not cold, just... appraising. He scanned her featurs, noting the lines of her nose, her cheekbones. Yes, he thought. Yes, it could work...

But he had to ask her first. She might not want him to. And this was the difficult, embarassing part. He shifted awkwardly on the rock, looking down for a moment, collecting his thoughts. Then he looked back up at Vivian. "Would... would you mind if I carved... you?" he asked softly. He cringed slightly, dreading her reaction. "I'd really like to," he added quietly. "You're pretty. And you know I think you have a beautiful smile."

[Vivian Pryce]

Given any amount of precious stones, metal, or money, she would have bet all of it at that moment that Branden could see that she didn't see it. She was never really a scholar when it came to rocks. She couldn't pick out one kind from any other, see what one might be concealing. Was there a precious stone within her, just waiting to be released? Was she some beautiful carving waiting to be made?

No Vivian told herself firmly. Not doubting it for a moment. She was just a dull girl with problems that she hid from and let build up until they weighted her down to the point of collapse. Just a weak little freak who couldn't deal with a tiny fraction of what normal people could. Make her a starving muggle child? She wouldn't last a day. It wasn't that she was spoiled, it was just that she gave up on everything. Even on herself.

She wondered what he saw within that stone when he looked at it. Viv guessed there was some girl he fancied, probably one of the prefects. She knew little about his social life except in regards to his friendship with her, and honestly, she didn't really care to know. His business was his business and hers was hers.

Now the last name she expected to come to his mind (which is oddly enough was, in a way) was her own. Vivian's confusion was written plainly across her pretty face that was concealed partially by that red hair that she refused to pull back, for the fact that it offered a perfect mask to hide behind whenever she needed it. She caught that appraising look in his eyes, like she was one of those dogs locked in a cage at the pound, and he was looking for a pet. She was really quite oblivious to the situation, only she knew that she didn't like being looked at at all, especially having someone look closely at her. Vivian Pryce was a monstrosity in a pretty form. She deserved so immortalizing, as she'd done nothing in her lifetime to even have her name spoken with favor even by the lowliest people of the world.

Crimson. You know the color, that deep blood red. Now picture that color, just the color. Apply it to a human face and voila, you have the brand new Vivian! The contrast between the red of her cheeks and the blue of her eyes was outright comical at the moment, though she wasn't laughing. No, people did not call Vivian pretty because Vivian wasn't pretty and she didn't deserve to be called pretty.

The faraway stare returned to her eyes, her jerky nervous movements displaying that she was a whole different kind of uncomfortable. Still, on some level of her mind, she knew that Branden had to have worked up a lot of courage to ask if she would allow him to carve her, and what could she say? It wouldn't kill her, certainly, and he was her friend. Still, she could try and talk him out of it.

"I-I-I-I d-don't ssssee why not but..." she began, the whole lot coming out without breathing or really pausing between words. "I don't kn-kn-know why anyone would w-want to carve m-me. I-I-I'm n-not pretty..." It would have been extremely difficult for Branden to catch a word of what she said, especially since she kept rocking back and forth and her lips were barely moving. Her gaze shifted away from him, and if they even came close to landing on his form, she blushed even more furiously. She wanted to smile for him, show him that everything was okay. But Vivian just felt like diving into the lake and hiding beneath the surface of the water so her face could cool down and he couldn't see her. She saw no beauty in the mirror when she woke up. All she saw was a face in the mirror that couldn't be her own, because Vivian was an ugly person and that girl was not.

[Branden]

Branden sighed slightly. He had expected this. Vivian just didn't have any self-esteem. None at all.

But that didn't mean he was going to give up. He was going to do everything he could to show her the beautiful girl that he saw.

"Vivian..." He reached out and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently, stopping her from rocking back and forth. He waited until she was still, and spoke softly. "Vivian, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to feel that your dirt, to feel that you're not worth anything because of what others say or do to you. I know." He lifted a hand to her chin, gently but forcibly tipping it up so he could see her eyes. "Vivian..." His tone was kind, soft, almost pleading. "I don't know what it is. I don't know what's happened, what they've done to you, or even who 'they' are. But I do know this:" He kept his eyes locked on hers, his warm brown eyes now burning with an intensity they had been lacking before. He had been lost when he came down here; but now Branden James McArthur had a purpose.

"You can't let them win. Don't let them win, Vivian. Don't you see? Whoever they are, whatever they do -" He gestured dismissively. "- they only want one thing: to break you. I know, I've been there. And you can't let them win, Viv. Don't let them break you." He sat back slightly, withdrawing his hand. His tone had become slightly fierce in the last few moments, but now it softened again. He watched her, those brown eyes filled with compassion and understanding. "I want to show you, Viv. I want you to see what I see, the girl I see when I look at you. She's not broken. She's not ugly, not downtrodden. "You -" He picked up the stone, and held it between them. "You're like this stone, Vivian. You were beautiful, once. You still are. But years of having mud and grit plastered on you has left you dull. Lifeless, on the outside. That's what people see when they look at you." The intensity had come back to his eyes. Branden fished about in his pocket for a moment and withdrew a tiny chisel and hammer. Even though he hadn't been carving recently, he still took them everywhere. He always did.

He slipped off the rock to squat on the ground beside it. Making sure Vivian was watching, he gently placed the stone on the large rock and carefully, slowly, placed the chisel on an angle on the edge of the rock and tapped it once lightly with the hammer. A tiny piece of the rock fell away, and Branden picked up the stone, holding it up to the soft moonlight streaming in between the clouds.

Where he had lightly chipped the plain, featureless grey stone, it now glowed deepest green. The light glinted off the surface, casting emerald shadows across Branden's face. "This is what you are, Vivian," he said softly. "When I look at you, this is what I see." He leaned forward and gently took one of her hands in both of his.

"Beauty."

[Vivian Pryce]

They.

Even just the thought of who that word applied to was enough to send shivers down her spine, enough to take her from near hysterics to grim acceptance. As much as she wanted to fully believe him, as much as she wanted things to be that simple, he was only half right. That was exactly what they wanted, and she knew that for certain. But he was wrong about everything else. Branden couldn't know the coward that she was, couldn't know what she'd done to put herself in her position. If she could just be brave, she could stand up to the monsters and vanquish them. But Vivian was scared, scared for her future.

Viv released a soft gasp as she saw the green beneath the dull rock layer. It was a sight, and it was beautiful. For a moment she wanted to believe that she was like that stone and not the complete opposite. She wished she could trust everything he said and smile at the compliment and believe that he really meant or knew what he was talking about. Vivian was too hard to convince. That rock layer on the outside could not be chipped away because it had grown as hard as diamond and more ugly than just plain stone. There were secrets beneath it, secrets best left guarded and hidden, secrets that were more grotesque than the shell itself.

She tried to pull her hand away, but it was trapped in Branden's firm grip. Her left hand was calloused on specific spots from holding quills and pencils for hour upon hour, scribbling away at yet another fantasy or pretty picture. There was no real world beyond her problems. No escape. He was wrong... it was too late, far too late.

"Branden..." Vivian began softly, carefully averting her gaze. The fire in her face had dulled to a pale pink, and she didn't feel so much like she was burning with fever and not just embarrassment. "Y-you don't know. It-it's too late. I-I-I'm not just h-hiding. Th-that dullness... that everyone ssssees. That is m-me." Her gaze shifted away, her eyes burning with tear. Like rain in a sky that was still blue, except there was no rainbow and certainly no pot of gold at the end of it.

"I-I'm just like... c-costume jewelry, colored glass. I-I-I'm pretty b-but it's not r-real. J-just an illusion. And p-people see that because... I-I-I want them to. I-I-I d-don't deserve to be even l-looked at," Vivian said, her voice thick but sounding a little more sane than she had in a while. It was resolute, accepting everything she said as fact even though some part of her felt like he was right and she was just lying to keep all of her notions about herself intact. "Branden, I'm not the p-person you think I am. I'm a l-liar and a-a-a coward and everything is all m-my own fault. I-I just have to s-say no and fight them b-but then they say that they'll tell m-mom and they sm-smack me around..." Viv rambled, a tear silently rolling down her left cheek, which remarkably wasn't ticking, though her voice was beginning to sound hysterical and crazed. There was no way he could no what Vivian was talking about, and he was probably quite confused. This was a secret that nobody except Vivian knew, and sometimes she didn't want to admit it to herself.

"I-I shouldn't complain because I have e-everything but-but I don't kn-know what to do. An-Andrew is here and he's looking for me... and-and-and I'm sssso scared..." Viv looked drained and sick as she collapsed against the rock, holding her knees to her chest and sobbing. No no no no no! She'd let it slip and told Branden everything, and now he would ask about it, and she would have to weave another web of falsehoods and untruths for the sake of the dream that everything would just go away eventually if it were left alone.