Post by Faerlain on Oct 2, 2005 19:14:04 GMT
Everyone has their own way of anger management. For me, my way is making lists. Yes, lists. I've got tons of them saved on my computer, some finished, some not, on every single topic that has ever pissed me off.
So I suppose I'll share a few with you. My brother finds them absolutely hysterical, so I hope that everyone on MH enjoys them as well. There's some mild cursing and threats to kill children which I am too lazy to edit out. So, if that offends you, don't read. ;D
Top Eleven Things You Should Not Do At A Bagel Shop.
Especially mine.
11.
Talk on your cellphone.
If you talk on your cellphone, it makes me want to kill you. I feel almost rude having to interrupt your oh-so-important conversation so I can serve YOU. It also drives me crazy when you are asking the person you are talking to about your order. "So, hunny-snuggly bear, do we want five plain bagels? Yes? No? How about chocolate chip?" Good god, people!
10.
Give me attitude
I don't work this job because I like to serve you. I work this job because it pays, my coworkers are nice, and I get free bagels. If you give me any kind of attitude, it makes me want to strangle you and tell you to make your own f***ing bagels. Especially if you're younger than I am. I've had a twelve-year-old with a Gucci purse try and boss me around. Just think, kid, this'll be you in a few years. Unless Daddy's going to pay for your every whim for the rest of your life.
9.
Make special requests, and be annoying about it.
If you want some new combination of condiments on your bagel, just ask. Say it to me slowly. Be patient. Don't get pissy when I can't remember that you want onion and chive cream cheese, not chopped onions and tomatoes. I am taking time out especially for YOU, so that YOU can get EXACTLY what YOU want, rather than just making you order off something called a MENU, like 95% of NORMAL people do.
8.
Complain
I have no control over the air conditioning system. I have no control over the kind of music played in the dining area. I do not clean the trays. I do not make the bagels. So if you're cold, the music is crappy, the trays are dirty and your spicy nacho bagel does not have enough spicy nachos on it, don't talk to me. I do not care. Yes, I am paid to care, but my idea of caring is fetching my manager and getting him to deal with your b****y, I-need-to-control-everything attitude.
7.
Let your children run wild
Because.... I will want to shoot them and turn them into bagels. There is nothing I hate more than having to stand on my feet all day, deal with b****y people and then have to deal with your FIVE kids stampeding through the store screaming like someone is trying to kill them. It will give me a headache, which will result in me screwing up every single order for the rest of my shift. If you need to go to the bagel shop, hire a babysitter. I hate you, and I hate your kids.
6.
Ask me if we sell bagels
Duh! Use your eyes! Behind me lies at least twelve f***ing racks FULL of bagels! Do you think that the store is called E------ B---. BAGELS because we sell tacos? I think not. After asking me if we sell bagels, do not ask me to recite the kinds of bagels. All of the bins are carefully labeled. Use your eyes and stop being so f***ing stupid.
5.
Walk in and say, "I'd like some bagels, please."
Of COURSE you would! In line behind you are exactly fifteen other people who would all like some bagels. Even I would like a bagel, because making food for other people makes me really freaking hungry. Oh yeah, and after saying that you'd like some bagels, don't laugh and act like it's funny. If you think it sounds like a joke, like 99.9% of people do, I hear this joke every single weekend. It's not funny anymore. Actually, I don't think it ever was.
4.
Ask me if I cut my hands a lot
I'm using a reallyyyy big knife. If my fingers get in the way of my knife, my hands get cut. I'm not some magical, bagel-god who has a magic knife. My ugly ass gloves do not do a damn thing, except prevent my blood from getting all over your bagel. Speaking of my ugly gloves..
3.
Stare at my gloves
They make me look like either a lunch lady or an astronaut, and currently I'm leaning towards lunch lady. Yes, it's hard to separate bags while wearing the evil gloves of doom. I do not like it when you smile and ask me if it's hard to wear those things. Yes, it is. Now shut up and eat.
2.
Watch me while I make your bagel
It's really one of the most annoying thing ever. I know how much cream cheese to put on- do NOT request more. If you request less, do not be mean about it. Don't suddenly change your mind while I'm halfway (or all the way) done. Then I have to throw the bagel away and start over, and I hate doing that. But you know what I hate the most?...
1.
Be a rude, prissy b****
I hate people who don't say please. Or thank you. Especially when I try so hard to be nice. Also, if I make more than three bagels for you for take-out, please tip. And if I tell you to have a nice day, don't grumble at me, or avert your eyes like I'm some kind of weirdo. I'm trying to BE A NICE PERSON. Maybe you should try it sometime!
Ta-da. ^^
So I suppose I'll share a few with you. My brother finds them absolutely hysterical, so I hope that everyone on MH enjoys them as well. There's some mild cursing and threats to kill children which I am too lazy to edit out. So, if that offends you, don't read. ;D
Top Eleven Things You Should Not Do At A Bagel Shop.
Especially mine.
11.
Talk on your cellphone.
If you talk on your cellphone, it makes me want to kill you. I feel almost rude having to interrupt your oh-so-important conversation so I can serve YOU. It also drives me crazy when you are asking the person you are talking to about your order. "So, hunny-snuggly bear, do we want five plain bagels? Yes? No? How about chocolate chip?" Good god, people!
10.
Give me attitude
I don't work this job because I like to serve you. I work this job because it pays, my coworkers are nice, and I get free bagels. If you give me any kind of attitude, it makes me want to strangle you and tell you to make your own f***ing bagels. Especially if you're younger than I am. I've had a twelve-year-old with a Gucci purse try and boss me around. Just think, kid, this'll be you in a few years. Unless Daddy's going to pay for your every whim for the rest of your life.
9.
Make special requests, and be annoying about it.
If you want some new combination of condiments on your bagel, just ask. Say it to me slowly. Be patient. Don't get pissy when I can't remember that you want onion and chive cream cheese, not chopped onions and tomatoes. I am taking time out especially for YOU, so that YOU can get EXACTLY what YOU want, rather than just making you order off something called a MENU, like 95% of NORMAL people do.
8.
Complain
I have no control over the air conditioning system. I have no control over the kind of music played in the dining area. I do not clean the trays. I do not make the bagels. So if you're cold, the music is crappy, the trays are dirty and your spicy nacho bagel does not have enough spicy nachos on it, don't talk to me. I do not care. Yes, I am paid to care, but my idea of caring is fetching my manager and getting him to deal with your b****y, I-need-to-control-everything attitude.
7.
Let your children run wild
Because.... I will want to shoot them and turn them into bagels. There is nothing I hate more than having to stand on my feet all day, deal with b****y people and then have to deal with your FIVE kids stampeding through the store screaming like someone is trying to kill them. It will give me a headache, which will result in me screwing up every single order for the rest of my shift. If you need to go to the bagel shop, hire a babysitter. I hate you, and I hate your kids.
6.
Ask me if we sell bagels
Duh! Use your eyes! Behind me lies at least twelve f***ing racks FULL of bagels! Do you think that the store is called E------ B---. BAGELS because we sell tacos? I think not. After asking me if we sell bagels, do not ask me to recite the kinds of bagels. All of the bins are carefully labeled. Use your eyes and stop being so f***ing stupid.
5.
Walk in and say, "I'd like some bagels, please."
Of COURSE you would! In line behind you are exactly fifteen other people who would all like some bagels. Even I would like a bagel, because making food for other people makes me really freaking hungry. Oh yeah, and after saying that you'd like some bagels, don't laugh and act like it's funny. If you think it sounds like a joke, like 99.9% of people do, I hear this joke every single weekend. It's not funny anymore. Actually, I don't think it ever was.
4.
Ask me if I cut my hands a lot
I'm using a reallyyyy big knife. If my fingers get in the way of my knife, my hands get cut. I'm not some magical, bagel-god who has a magic knife. My ugly ass gloves do not do a damn thing, except prevent my blood from getting all over your bagel. Speaking of my ugly gloves..
3.
Stare at my gloves
They make me look like either a lunch lady or an astronaut, and currently I'm leaning towards lunch lady. Yes, it's hard to separate bags while wearing the evil gloves of doom. I do not like it when you smile and ask me if it's hard to wear those things. Yes, it is. Now shut up and eat.
2.
Watch me while I make your bagel
It's really one of the most annoying thing ever. I know how much cream cheese to put on- do NOT request more. If you request less, do not be mean about it. Don't suddenly change your mind while I'm halfway (or all the way) done. Then I have to throw the bagel away and start over, and I hate doing that. But you know what I hate the most?...
1.
Be a rude, prissy b****
I hate people who don't say please. Or thank you. Especially when I try so hard to be nice. Also, if I make more than three bagels for you for take-out, please tip. And if I tell you to have a nice day, don't grumble at me, or avert your eyes like I'm some kind of weirdo. I'm trying to BE A NICE PERSON. Maybe you should try it sometime!
Ta-da. ^^