Backward Eyes Open

[Zowan Fireside]

Zowan was lost in a dark forest. He didn't like it. Granted, he hadn't left in search of a certain place, but he also hadn't meant to end up lost. In the beginning he had flown, but then he had lost his Nimbus 2001 to a violent storm. Now he was walking, drenched to the skin, through the forest.

"Hello," said a voice from the darkness.

Zowan spun around, searching the shadows. "Who's there?" he cried out.

"I know what you seek, boy, I know what you seek."

Zowan's eyes snapped open and he shot forward, sitting straight up. Where was he? What had happened? His mind raced, trying to remember, trying to land on one distinct memory, just one thing that he might be able to place firmly as a point in reality.

As it was, he just kept getting his dreams mixed up with his notion of what had really happened.

Yes, he had dreamed. He had dreamed often of Kelly. In his dream he had attacked her. He remembered that. And he had also dreamed of a boy, Darren. He had attacked the boy, too, hadn't he? And he had dreamed of a house-elf, and of Michaela, and of death ... of Hell ...

His hand flew to his neck. What he found there was definitely real. Zowan looked around. The first thing he saw was the pile of his clothing next to his bed.

His clothing was drenched in blood.

The boy couldn't handle it anymore. He leaned over and retched.

[Darren]

Darren jolted out of his daze in the nearby chair when Zowan suddenly sat straight up and then leaned over his bed. The black-haired boy squeezed his bright blue eyes shut for a moment at the sounds and had to fight not to cover his ears as well; since childhood, he had always felt a sympathetic nausea whenever anyone near him was sick.

He had been here non-stop since Zowan had been brought in, there was no way he was leaving him alone after the ordeal he had just survived. That wasn't very brotherly anyway, and they were family now, closer than blood, because they had shared much more.

They had shared a demon, and they shared the scars the bloody thing left behind.

Darren got wearily to his feet; he couldn't remember the last time he had slept. Sleep was inaccessible, the only thing he could fall into was a hazy doze. He approached the bed cautiously, making a bit of noise as he did in hopes that he wouldn't scare Zowan, and then rested his hand briefly on the blond boy's shuddering back.

"Hey, Zowan. It's all right, you're in the Hospital Wing," his voice was still rough, the walls of his throat felt lined in sandpaper. "You're fine, I'm here." He fought back the urge to cough and drew his hand away, wanting to give the other a bit of space.

[Adhara Naunet]

Dark brown curls flew wildly around their owner's head as she jumped backwards just in time to avoid Zo. Time had taken on a rather odd quality as they had waited silently in the hospital wing, waiting for him to wake up. The green eyed girl couldn't say for certain just how long they'd been here.

She'd trailed Michaela and the boy as they brought him up to the Hospital Wing, only letting go of him as they gently placed him between the starched sheets before resuming her vigil. She'd refused all offers of water, sleep, and food. The numbness she'd felt in the cave was nothing to the one which enveloped her as she'd waited. No thought at all flitted through her mind save the one which told her in no uncertain terms that she wouldn't, couldn't, leave Zowan. Thus she waited, standing, and when forced, sitting in a chair pulled as close to the hospital bed as she could get it.

The vigil was over, but god only knew what would happen from here. Silken brows drew down over jade green eyes which roved worriedly over the boy's heaving body. She waited until it seemed as if he was finished, and then simply banished the mess away. Her hand strayed to his forehead, hoping that the weak, uncertain smile she'd manage to conjure up was at least a bit comforting.

"Hey you. It's about time you woke up, we've been waiting." The words were casual, the tone was not. Her voice was a bit choked, and the cavalier words were laced with a mixture of pure concern and utter relief.

Addie's attempt to stand culminated in a rather shaky, yet functional, product and she gestured weakly over to the pitcher of water sitting in front of the window sill. The drawn shade let in a bit of filtered sunlight, and the streaks of light sparked off of the dripping glass pitcher.

"Feel ok enough for some water?" The lithe girl swallowed heavily as she took the sight of him in, suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude that he, too, hadn't been snatched away. Without waiting for an answer, she turned quickly and moved to pour out some water, hoping that the task would take her long enough to hastily swipe the tears from her eyes. Now wasn't the time yet to break down.

[Zowan Fireside]

The blond boy slowly lifted his head, revealing to Darren and Adhara an expression of the utmost confusion. His eyes flicked back and forth between their two faces, and his mouth hung open as he breathed heavily through it. The boy's entire body trembled, and as he glanced down at his torso he realized that he wasn't wearing a shirt. His shaking fingers trailed across his skin, across the several new scars on his chest.

'What ... ?'

But the most terrifying thing about it all was that his hands were cold. Zowan's hands had never been cold, not since he had been able to control his healing ability. But today they were cold. They did not tingle with the suppressed electricity of psychic magic. They felt, to him, rather dead. Empty.

He felt empty, felt a strange void within his chest. He felt light.

He didn't understand.

Zowan fell backwards all of a sudden, throwing his hands out behind him to stop the descent back to the pillow. His hand landed on something soft on top of the pillow, and his fingers instinctively closed around that soft something. He brought it close to his eyes.

It was a lock of blond hair.

It all came back to him in that moment, and the memories were too much to bear. Zowan lay back down, curled up with his back to Darren and Adhara, and pulled the sheets up over his head. His entire body shook, suddenly cold, and he strained to hold back violent sobs.

'It isn't true ... none of this happened ... it isn't true ... it was all a bad dream ...'

The only word he managed to choke out was, "Why?"

"Why?"

[Darren]

Darren hung his head low, his dark hair falling forward to brush the rims of his wire-rimmed glasses. He drew his arms around himself bleakly, backed up a few steps, and collapsed into the chair he had previously been slumped in when he felt it against the back of his knees. Removing his glasses, he laid them carefully on a nearby uniform hospital table, and then buried his head in his hands.

"I don't want it, Zowan, I don't," the words were muffled in his fingers, his fingers that contained so much incredible power. He had been trying to ignore it these last few hours, trying to push it away, force it away, even, but that startling warm magic had encompassed him whole.

Darren had no idea what to do with it.

It was agony and the sweetest bliss; one moment he could do nothing but stare straight ahead as his eyes leaked continuously, and the next he wanted to laugh as if he could fly without the aid of brooms that had scorned him for so long. He could feel the aching need of so many people crammed into one place, so many people in need of his help and desperately searching, whether they knew it or not, to be healed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't know how it happened, I'm sorry, let me give it back, please..." Darren moaned quietly from behind his hands, the string of distress coming out with a sort of gasping sob. He did want to give it back, he did, but the thought of being without that beautiful pain was enough to make his heart stutter in his chest.

[Kelly]

Kelly had stood outside the Vampire's Lair, silently waiting for instructions - they were simple, really. From what it sounded like, all she had to do was run - either here, to the hospital wing, or just far away from the Lair. She had stood there, waiting for what seemed like eternity, although her watch told her differently. Finally, when her curiosity couldn't take it any more, she had gone to peek inside the Lair to see what was taking so long. Instead, she saw a group of people rush by - three people supporting the fourth.

What she had wanted to do was to ask the countless questions buzzing through her mind, but the four were long gone. Feeling as if she had failed that simple task - she wasn't even capable of running ahead to the hospital wing, as asked? - she ran behind them, catching up within a few moments. It didn't take long to figure out where they were going, but it did take a few shocked seconds to realize the limp blond was once the blue-haired Zowan she had once known.

Unsure of what to do, she had stood in the corner of the room, waiting for something to happen. Michaela was long gone, and it appeared as if Darren and Adhara were both numb - they were silent, and not very responsive - and nobody was up for conversation.

At one point in time, she had begun to daydream, and was startled out of it when she saw a sudden movement out of the corner of her eye. She was happy to see it was Zowan, finally awake, but that happiness was soon replaced with sympathy. As the two boys appeared to by trying to hold back sobs, the Ravenclaw girl ached desperately to comfort them, but all she ended up doing was taking a tenative step forward, not sure of which to go to.

[Zowan Fireside]

Zowan's body was still shaking, but he finally rolled back over and pulled the sheets down. His face was pale, so pale it looked as though there were no blood in his body at all. It was a striking reminder of what had happened.

"It doesn't matter what you do or don't want, Darren," he said quietly, his voice shaking. "You've got it and you can't give it back."

All of a sudden, Zowan's eyes widened and he sat quickly forward, and his raspy whisper became a choked near-yell. "Don't you see?" he cried, "I lost it, alright? I tried to get it back and that's how I lost it. I traded for it. But I didn't know, I swear I didn't know what would happen ..." his yell had quickly become a frantic half-sob, a desperate attempt to redeem himself, to prove that he hadn't brought the demon back on purpose, that he hadn't agreed to that part of the deal.

That was when Zowan saw Kelly. The sight of her pushed him over the edge, and the boy covered his head again and dissolved into tears. He clutched the lock of blond hair in his fist and murmured, "I'm so sorry, Kelly, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you."

[Darren]

As Zowan dashed his hopes and raised them to incredible heights in one breath by telling him he couldn't return the healing magic, Darren's hands fell slowly. He gazed blankly at the boy on the hospital bed, confusion and exhaustion mixing as the blood drained from his face and pooled somewhere around his toes. His face was nearly as pale as Zowan's, but his eyes were almost feverish. The Hufflepuff felt bone-weary and elated at the same time, and the outpouring of emotion was just too much.

A long sigh of relief escaped his lips, though it might have been tinted with resignation. He stared at the floor, his tired mind trying to process everything Zowan had just said. Though he valiantly attempted to keep the question hidden behind his lips and teeth, it whispered out anyway.

"You... traded it?"

[Adhara Naunet]

As soon as shaking hands met the slippery, ice cold pitcher, it slid from the painted fingertips and shattered earsplittingly onto the tile floor at the sound of sobs. Ignoring the water as it sloshed over her shoes, Addie spun on her heel and went back to Zowan, not bothering to hide her tears this time. She doubted that he'd notice them.

Without a word, she sunk down onto the bed next to him and gently slid him partially onto her lap in one smooth motion as her arms went around him. Her heart shattered as surely as the pieces of the pitcher as she realized there was nothing she, nor any of them, could do.

What was done was done, but the knowledge wouldn't help heal any of them.

She pushed a long, shaky breath out past her lips and looked down on Zowan's hair. The green eyed girl wasn't entirely sure what happened at the cave, but she thought she could put one and one together and get two. She really had never particularily enjoyed maths. The trade, in her mind, was fairly obvious. Zowan's life for his greatest talent.

Oh goddess, the Fates were cruel mistresses indeed.

[Zowan Fireside]

Breathing was difficult as he looked around at all the faces and admitted what had really happened, how he had become ... that. Zowan ran the backs of his hands roughly over his face, his red face that was wet with tears of agony.

"Look, it was stupid, all right? I know that. I was stupid." His words were muffled by Adhara's arms around him, and for a moment, Zowan let his head rest in the warmth of her embrace ... but only for a moment, and then he pushed her arms away and retreated, half-stepping and half-falling out of the bed. His feet landed on his bloody clothing, and he slipped, regained his balance with difficulty, and stood facing the others.

"Don't you see?" he exclaimed, "Can't you see? I don't want your forgiveness. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I screwed up, it's my fault, now I should deal with it by myself. You, Darren ..." and with that he leaned over the bed and grabbed Darren by the collar, pulled the boy's ear close and hissed into it, "Don't you understand what you are? Now you need to suck it up and take responsibility for what you've got flowing through your veins. I swear to god that if you don't take advantage of what you are now, I will make you take advantage of it. Don't doubt me. You're a healer. And you can start with this."

Zowan went digging frantically through the pile of his clothing, and after a few moments came up with a knife. "Here you go, Darren," he said, his eyes wide, an almost insane look on his face, and then he cut the back of his left wrist open. Blood spilled out of his skin and onto the bed, onto his chest, onto the floor. It mingled with the blood already on his clothing.

He held his arm out to Darren. "Come on. You have it in you. Prove it to yourself. Come on.

"Brother."

[Adhara Naunet]

Jade eyes flashed first with unmistakeable anger, and then with complete horror as Zowan stood up before slashing his wrist. The words she was going to scream at him died in her throat, and the smouldering ball of anger in her stomach froze once more in fear. He'd lost enough blood that evening as it was.

However, as much as she disliked it, she realized that while the gesture might double as one of self punishment, its main purpose was to snap the other boy out of his self pitying haze. Addie wasn't aqquianted with the Hufflepuff student at all, but over the course of the night he had come to earn her respect. Even if she still had yet to learn his name.

[Darren]

Darren's intense blue gaze became more and more incredulous with every word that Zowan spoke, and he watched numbly as the girl he remembered from the Owlery put her arms around the weakened boy. Apparently he wasn't quite as weak as the Hufflepuff thought, however, for there was enough strength in those arms to yank him up by the collar from the seat he had fallen in.

At first, the slight boy flinched at the hisssing of Zowan's voice, but slowly, another expression slipped over that of meek resistance. His pale face gradually colored, and his eyes narrrowed as well. By the time Zowan had turned around and found the knife hidden in the folds of his clothes, Darren's face was bright with anger. After all he had gone through to pull the Ravenclaw back from death, he would be positively damned if he let Zowan go now.

"STOP IT!" Darren roared, entirely forgetting where he was, and the proper etiquette for such a place. He felt the healing energy rush through his body looking for an outlet, a place to be released from, and Darren lunged. His fingers folded forcefully around the flowing red mouth on Zowan's wrist, and there was a quick burst of untamed, raw magic that flashed blue. The spots that exploded behind his eyes were the exact same color. He felt the torn skin knit back together in an instant, and as it closed, he raised his other arm and shoved Zowan roughly backwards onto the bed.

"All right, brother," Darren bit off sharply as he held the other boy down. "I'll do it, I'll be a healer, dammit, there's no other choice, and... and..." he finally faltered, and dropped to his knees next to Zowan's bed.

"I want it!" The Hufflepuff cried out, finally confessing to anyone who might be listening how important that magic had become within the last few hours. "I want it, but you have to help me get it under control, Zowan. You gave it to me, whether intentionally or not, so you have to teach me how." He dropped his forehead to the cool white sheets, utterly drained. The last word he spoke was a bare whisper.

"Please."

[Zowan Fireside]

Zowan was surprised by Darren's strength, and he caved under the other boy onto the bed. Then he started to laugh. He laughed so hard that he clutched at his sides, and rolled away from Darren's grasp.

Then he stood up slowly and looked straight at the other boy with a wild grin on his face. "I knew it ..." he gasped, "I knew you had it in you ... you're amazing, you know that ... yeah I'll help you ..."

His words began to flow together into incoherent bits of sentences as he picked at the pile of his bloody clothing on the ground. Zowan pulled out his undershirt from the pile. It was relatively blood-free, so he put it on, covering the scars on his chest and back. He apparently had decided that the flimsy green pants he had acquired in the hospital wing would do for the time being, and he unflinchingly stole a pair of sandals from underneath the bed next to his. The whole time he was muttering under his breath. "You're f***ing amazing, you know that? ... All of you are ... Who the hell undressed me, anyway? ... I went to Hell and back, you see that? ... That little b**** tried to get me into ... where the hell is my necklace? ... Haha, Hell, get it? ... Oh ok, there it is, right, can't leave without that ... Who did you say undressed me?"

He grabbed Michaela's crucifix from the table beside his bed and fastened it around his neck, then he picked up the lock of blond hair from the bed. Finally he turned back to the others and gave a mock salute.

"I'm leaving. I don't want to talk about it. Maybe later. For now, goodbye. Darren. I'll owl you in a couple days to start lessons, all right? Kelly, Adhara ... good times. I love you all. Fare thee well, maidens."

Then he kissed the hands of all three and casually left the hospital wing.

[K~Bear]

The golden haired girl was almost collected by Zowan as she rounded the corner to the wing after hearing Darren's scream. She stopped her breath catching in her throat as she looked over the Ravenclaw boy.
H-His hair... she thought to herself as she spotted his once bright blue mop of hair was blonde like her own. She took in the sight of him
"H-Hi Zowan" she said stumbling over her words
"Are you ok?" she said her bright blue eyes looking over his slightly bruised and bloody figure.

[Kelly]

Kelly had stood in near-silence as all this happened, in a mixture of shock, confusion, and a lack of better things to do. While she stood there, it looked there was something wrong with her, like she was twitching - she kept beginning to do things, but would think the better of it, or someone beat her to it: reach out a comforting arm, or try to stop Zowan from slicing his arm, or who knows what else.

As the newly-blonde boy stood up, got dressed, and walked off, she silently cursed herself for not doing anything, for letting him walk off, and for who knows what else. There was an akward silence in the room, which seemed to push the ravenclaw girl out the room. Once in the hallway, she went to chase after Zowan, but thought better of it - he could be anywhere, but most likely, he was going to where she planned on going, anyway - the Common room. The whole way there, she kept turning that evening's events over in her mind, letting her feet take the familiar path towards the Ravenclaw House.